I Want To Feel Through You
by AJzkitten69
Summary: Elena's dreams are telling her how important it is to remember, and she must do so in time to save Damon from himself.  They must stand together against the coming danger, but first, Elena needs to recover the memory she lost.
1. I Want To Feel Through You

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries.**

**Author's Note: Okay, I know I have a billion other stories to attend to, and you would not _believe _how guilty I feel for leaving everyone hanging for so long. But this won't get out of my head, and I have to write it. If you want more...well, that's what the review button is for. Oh yes, and the story title, and hopefully every subsequent chapter title, will be lyrics from either Something Corporate or Jack's Mannequin. Because they inspire me.  
**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter One

"_Elena! Where are you?"_

_Elena's head whipped around, searching for the voice that called to her. She could feel how important it was that she find him, but she couldn't for the life of her remember why._

_She was stuck in a desolate landscape, desert as far as the eye could see. The sun bore down on her in the kind of burning, wet heat that made her want to just lie down in the shade until the temperature dropped a few degrees. But there was no shade, and the temperature never changed._

_But she couldn't do that. He'd been calling for her, and she couldn't find him. The need to save him burned in the pit of her stomach, even if she couldn't tell why._

"_Please! Elena!"_

_She turned around and took off toward the voice, ever hopeful that _this time,_ she would find him, even though she'd been searching for so long that she couldn't remember anything before this desert._

_She ran on, following his voice for what could have been minutes or days. She had no way to tell time, and somehow, she was absolutely certain that the sun would not move in the sky. This was a place that had never known the comforts of the night._

_Finally, she ran over a dune and locked eyes with him. His clear blue eyes froze her to the spot as she was assaulted with memories of him, of their time together, some beautiful and others horrifying. "Damon," she whispered, taking in his condition._

_He wore only a pair of black pants. The lack of shoes had clearly taken a toll on him; his bare feet were burned and blistered, and what little skin wasn't blackened was cracked and dry. His torso and face were still pale and perfect, though the tortured expression he wore told her that there was more to his story than she could see._

_That alone was a horrible thought because there was so much she could see now. What looked like black oil had coiled up out of the ground and formed liquid shackles around his wrists. The oil was churning, moving around his wrists in some unrecognizable pattern, but there was no question that he was held in place by it. Worst of all, his fingers were bare. She could see no ring protecting him from the ever-present sunlight._

_Elena ran to Damon, tears streaming out of her eyes. "Damon, don't worry, I'll help. We have to get you out of the sun." She didn't even hesitate when she reached for the shackles, an action which she knew she would come to regret. The oil spread to her skin and started moving upward. The freezing cold spread from her hands and up her arms, traveling toward her face._

"_Elena," Damon said, his voice pleading. He looked at her like she was the last hope he would ever have. "Elena, you have to remember. Please. To save me, you have to remember."_

_The oil reached her neck, wrapped itself around her vervain necklace, concealing it completely, and kept ascending. She opened her mouth to scream, and the oil slipped down her throat..._

"Elena!" An entirely different voice called her name this time, and the voice was accompanied by a strong set of hands shaking her. She screamed and scratched at the hands. "Damn it, Elena! Open your eyes!"

Her eyes fluttered open and adjusted to her bedroom. She was lost for a moment, until she finally realized what had happened. _"That _was a dream? Jeremy, how long was I out for?"

Jeremy looked confused. He glanced between her face and his arm, which bore several long scratches, inflicted on him when she was still caught in her dream. "Uh, I don't know. Stefan dropped you off about four hours ago, I guess, so less than that. Hey, do you have any Neosporin or something?"

"Huh? Oh, sure. Sorry." She winced as she climbed out from under the covers. She ran a hand through her hair to pull it out of her face. "God, it felt like I was there for weeks." She went to rummage through her bathroom cabinet, and Jeremy followed her.

"Felt like you were _where_ for weeks?" Jeremy asked.

"In my dream. Well, in my nightmare anyway." She paused in her search, her mind going back to that desert. "It was so awful. And _so _real." She found the Neosporin and handed it to Jeremy. "Sorry again about your arm."

"Don't worry about it. It'll heal." He opened the tube and started to spread the clear gel over the scratches. "Do you want to talk about it? It might help."

Elena let herself drift over the details and decided to share what she could with her little brother. She summarized the dream as well as she could, leaving out only the identity of the person who had called to her. For some reason, she really didn't want Jeremy to know that it was Damon whom she so urgently needed to save. She couldn't make herself tell him, at least not until she knew what it meant.

"Weird," Jeremy said. "But you know, it could have just been a nightmare. It doesn't _have _to mean something."

"I know," she replied through numb lips. But she didn't believe that. She just couldn't believe that her mind could craft Damon's dilemma and her panicked desperation from thin air. She'd never had a nightmare remotely like this before either. It meant something, but she wouldn't pile that kind of insanity onto Jeremy's shoulders.

Her hand subconsciously moved itself to touch her necklace, and she remembered the way the freezing black mass had devoured it in her dream. Though it had been more than two weeks, she'd never forgotten the mystery of how her vervain necklace was returned to her. One moment, she'd been walking into her room, and the next, she was standing in the center of her room, her necklace in place around her neck, and feeling a profound sense of loss that she couldn't explain. Both the mystery and the feeling that she'd lost something precious had stuck with her since.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go back to bed," Jeremy announced. "Your screaming woke me up." He gave her a little smile. "You couldn't have had your traumatizing nightmare on a school day, could you? You're louder than my alarm clock." He started to leave, but Elena stopped him with a question.

"Jeremy, what does it feel like to be compelled to forget?"

He turned to her in surprise. "You've never been compelled before? I would have thought, given the crowd you hang out with, it'd be something you would have experienced by now."

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "Stefan gave me this necklace to keep vampires out of my head, and Damon...well, I know he could have taken it from me at any time, but he never did. He prefers it when he doesn't have to manipulate me. The only time I was compelled was a couple weeks ago, and that was when Elijah made me answer his questions. So I know how that felt. It was like I was trapped in my mind...my mouth answered the questions, no matter how much I told myself not to, but I was fully aware of what was happening. But...I'm trying to figure out if somebody took my memories from me, but I don't know how it feels to compare."

Jeremy paused by her door, considering her question for a full minute before giving her an answer. "It feels like something is missing, and it's just on the edge of your understanding what it is. Like, I knew I was really sad about something, but I was able to chalk it up to Vicki leaving town, and I knew that I needed to move past that and get my life back on track."

Elena winced. She didn't think she'd ever thanked Damon for that. He'd done so much more for Jeremy than she'd asked him to. "So you know what was taken from you now...but you still don't have the memory?"

"Right," he confirmed. "I think I could remember if Damon would undo his compulsion...but I don't want him to. I like not being out of it all the time, and I wouldn't want to trade being a decent human being for the clear memory of my girlfriend's murder. Anyway, what do you think you were made to forget?"

She touched her necklace again. "Elijah took this from me and threw it across the room. That night, I had it back. Only Stefan or Damon would bother to return it to me, but why would they not want me to remember?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Maybe Stefan did something to piss you off and you broke up with him, so he compelled you so you wouldn't remember."

"No...Stefan's a big fan of his own accountability. He wouldn't compel that sort of thing away. Actually, I can't think of any reason he'd compel me. So I guess it had to be Damon. But...it just doesn't make any sense! He killed you, and yet I remember him doing that. What could he possibly want me to forget more than that?"

With a smile, her brother answered , "You want me to take a guess at the inner workings of Damon Salvatore's twisted mind? No thanks; you'll have to ask him. But maybe not at five in the morning. Get some sleep, Elena." With that, Jeremy turned and left her room.

She tried to take his advice; she really did. But every time she closed her eyes, she was assaulted either with images from her nightmare or with questions about what Damon could have made her forget. She let that go on for a solid hour before she noticed that it was starting to get light out. She'd never get to sleep now. So she climbed out of bed and threw on some clothes. She brushed her teeth and hair, then drove over to the boarding house. If she couldn't sleep, then there was no way she was going to let Damon sleep.

When Elena got to the door, she started to rethink her plan. Stefan was at the boarding house too. _Why didn't I just call Damon? _She briefly considered driving back home and doing just that, but she talked herself into knocking softly on the door, since driving home would just be _such _a waste of gas. So she knocked as softly as she could, in the probably vain hope that Damon's keener senses would pick it up and Stefan's would not.

She didn't have to wait long. Less than 15 seconds later, Damon yanked the door open. "Elena?" Surprise colored his voice. His eyes swept over her almost clinically, checking for injuries that would explain her presence at the boarding house this early. "What are you doing here?"

Elena had already thought through the approach she thought would be most successful. She widened her eyes and hoped she looked thoroughly miserable. "Damon...I think somebody compelled me to forget something...and I'm really freaked out about it."

Damon sighed and opened the door farther. "Come on in, Elena."


	2. Things That Aren't Worth Giving Up

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: So apparently there's some interest that this keeps going, though the good folks on LiveJournal were much better at letting me know about that. Reviews, people! They feed my ravenous muse. Anyway, hope this lives up to your expectations.**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Two: There's Things That Aren't Worth Giving Up

Damon led Elena into the parlor. She followed after him, trying to work herself up to tears for the performance she was about to give. She thought of all the saddest things she could. Her parents' deaths of course took front and center, and then her mind touched on Jenna's near-suicide of a few weeks before. Finally, what made the tears come was her present situation. She didn't like that Damon had compelled her. Whatever he'd taken from her was important, and she wanted it back. But more than anything, it hurt that he had taken whatever it was from her in the first place.

When he turned to face her again, she let out a sniff. She'd meant for her eyes to be brimming, but she'd worked herself up too far and now she couldn't control her tears as well as she would have liked to. "Is Stefan here?" she whispered. "I don't want him to hear this."

Damon shook his head. "Hunting. He left about an hour ago." He settled himself on the edge of a couch and waited for her to take a seat. She chose the armchair. "So, what makes you think you were compelled?"

His casual attitude shocked her. Normally, Damon couldn't stand the sight of her tears. "My necklace," she told him softly. "It was gone. Now it's back, but I can't remember how I got it back and I'm just so afraid that..." She hadn't thought this part through, but she made up a convincing fear quickly. "What if Elijah really isn't dead and he brought the necklace back to mess with us or something? I'm terrified of what I can't remember." She sniffed loudly. It was times like these that she hated being a teenage girl. Now that she'd gotten herself geared up for a good cry, she couldn't seem to stop. "Do you have any tissues?"

Both of the Salvatore brothers had told her repeatedly that she could never be like Katherine, and they always said that it was because she was simply too kind-hearted. Elena was starting to realize the real reason she couldn't be like Katherine; she _really_ sucked at manipulation.

He sighed and disappeared, returning in a few seconds with a box of tissues, which he placed on the table in front of her. "You don't need to worry about Elijah. You know I'll protect you from anything that comes."

"But what if he compelled me to do something and I won't know it until it's too late?" Elena realized that she really was not helping herself. She'd actually managed to plant some very real doubts into her own head. If Damon didn't admit to compelling her, she was going to be a lot more scared than she had been before she came.

"Even if Elijah was still alive, which he's _not,_ since, as you may have noticed, I shoved a _pillar_ through his chest, you can't know it's him that made you forget. Maybe you weren't even compelled. _Maybe_ you're just forgetful."

Elena stared at him like he was insane, which allowed her to finally get her tears under control. Damon stared back at her, impassive. It began to sink into her mind how off Damon had been for their whole conversation. Looking into his eyes, she didn't see the depth she normally saw there. He wasn't the Damon whom she'd tried so hard to save in her dream. _This_ Damon was acting more like he did when she first met him, back when she had wanted to strangle him.

"Damon...what did you do?" she asked.

Surprise crossed his face. She couldn't possibly have figured out that it was _him_ that had compelled her, not in the space of a few seconds. "What do you mean?"

"You're different," she said. She sounded so sad about it. "It's like you're not even in there anymore. Why is that?" A distant memory echoed through her brain, of Stefan explaining Isobel's lack of humanity to her. The switch vampires had in their brains that could turn off their emotions. She gasped. "You flipped your switch!"

Damon didn't bother to deny it. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at her calmly, almost daring her to voice her opinion on the matter. "Yes, I did. So?"

"Undo it!" she told him. For the moment, her worry over his compulsion was gone. Now, she just wanted him back to the way he was.

"Excuse me?" he asked, almost amused.

"Undo it!" she cried again. "Flip the switch back, or whatever."

"Interesting. But no."

"That's it? That's all you can say? Flip the switch!" She recognized that she was starting to raise her voice, and she could almost hear the shrill edge of panic in her words. She made an effort to calm herself down.

"Elena, I could do this all night. But it's not going to happen."

Elena got up and walked over to him. He was such a fan of invading her personal space that she figured he could take it if she did the same. She put her hand on his arm and looked into his eyes again, desperate to see the friend she'd come to care about. "Damon...you _need_ your emotions. Turn them back on."

He shook his head, and for the first time that evening, she saw a flicker of her friend in him. "Elena," he said patiently, "I can protect you better when I'm not distracted by...other things."

"No, you can protect me better when you can feel why you want to." Elena couldn't understand why she felt this loss so keenly. It felt like a friend had died, except she knew she had the power to bring him back, if only she could know the right words to say.

"I don't make good decisions when my emotions are running wild, and after 145 years of not having them, I can't control them." He took a deep breath and attempted to explain to her. "When I snapped Jeremy's neck? That was something I wouldn't have done if my emotions hadn't been involved."

She dropped her hand from his arm and then froze. She'd just assumed he wanted to be hated and, since he'd succeeded in that, she'd never questioned further why he had killed her brother. Now, she was presented with Damon, who, in his current state, might have no qualms about answering that question. "Why _did _ you kill Jeremy? I thought you just wanted me to hate you."

"No, I've never wanted that." Damon debated, weighed his words and tried to predict any consequences he'd have to deal with if he ever chose to feel again. Finally, he told her, "I think Katherine knew what she was doing. I'd bet she'd observed you to know what you'd say, and then said it herself first." He closed his eyes and concentrated. Even now, the pain of hearing nearly the same words twice in one night, from the same face, threatened to flip his switch without his consent. "'It's always been Stefan,'" he repeated. "That's what she said to me. Then I went to you, and you said the same thing."

Pain creased Elena's features. She hadn't known. She didn't know what she would have done differently if she had, but she could only imagine how Damon felt that night. "But why Jeremy? Did you just want to hurt me?"

A storm of emotions whipped up inside of him, and he had to fight to keep them under control. He felt a moment of fear. Maybe he was getting too old to use his switch, like Rose had told him. But he soldiered on and answered her. "No. I hurt him so I _wouldn't _hurt you. Like I said, I can't control my emotions, and that night..." He met her eyes, and to her, he had never looked colder. "I saw red. I needed to kill something. I'd just had every hope I'd ever had crushed, and somebody needed to die for it. But I was alone with you...and even then, I didn't want to hurt you. Then Jeremy came in, and I was drunk and stupid and hurting, so I killed him. I regretted it the second it happened, but that kind of thing is _exactly _why my emotions shouldn't be in control."

Elena was in shock. It had never occurred to her that snapping her brother's neck might have been Damon's way of protecting her. It was still a horrible decision, and she still doubted if she would ever forget it, but at least now, she _understood._ Maybe, someday, she might be able to forgive, since Jeremy had been lucky enough to survive the encounter. "You turned Vicki because you were _bored_. And that was before you started feeling again. Either way, you're dangerous to be around."

"I'd leave," he offered. "But I think it's more dangerous to _not_ have me around right now."

"No!" she cried out. Then, softly, she added, "No, I don't want you to leave. But I want you to have your emotions. You're my friend, and I can't be friends with you when you're like this."

For a moment, Damon was tempted. Elena was clearly offering her friendship to him, and he wanted it back so badly. He'd definitely suffered from the loss of that friendship, and for the first time since he'd destroyed it, she was giving him some real chance to get it back. But he fought off the urge. "Elena, you don't need me to be your friend right now. What you need is someone who can protect you against Klaus and anyone else who might come after you, and I'm much better at that when I'm not drowning myself in scotch and dwelling on things like 'It's always gonna be Stefan.'" He raised his voice at the end in a disturbing imitation of her voice.

"Damon...I..." But she was at a complete loss for words. She now had so much information that her original reason for coming was lost, at least for the moment. But one fact would not leave her mind. Even after she and Katherine had both stomped on Damon's heart in the space of a few hours, he didn't want to hurt her. When she couldn't find the words to convince him, she did the only thing she could think of. She threw her arms around his waist in a tight embrace His arms automatically moved around her, and the hug stretched on, long past the time friends would release each other.

"Uh...Elena...not that this isn't fun and all, but shouldn't you be letting go about now?" he asked, a smirk settling into its usual place on his lips.

Yes, she should have, and she knew it, but she didn't want to pull away. She felt safe in his arms, and that was so rare in her recent memory that it was intoxicating. She didn't want to let it go. So she thought up the first excuse she could think of and said it, before she could think of how ridiculous it was. "Nope," she said, her voice petulant. "I'm not letting go until you turn your emotions back on."

He rolled his eyes. "What are you, _six?"_

"No, I'm just trying everything I can think of. Is it working?"

"Elena, I'm 170 years old. Acting like a child is _not _a turn on."

"Good, since I'm trying to irritate you, not turn you on. Though if you normally get those two things confused, that sure explains a lot. Anyway, eventually, you'll start to get annoyed with me clinging to you."

"Actually," he said, running his fingers through her hair, "I'm really starting to like having you there...after all, emotions or no emotions, I can definitely still feel _lust..."_

Elena squeaked and jumped away from him.

He chuckled. "Wow, that was easier than I thought."

It was only then that she noticed Stefan, standing in the doorway with a familiar glower on his face. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yeah," Damon said casually. "Elena was just regressing to grade school. Should have seen it Stefan, it was fascinating."

Before Stefan could say anything more, Elena held up a hand. "Don't worry; nothing's wrong. I just need another minute with Damon, then I'm going home, okay? And then I'll call you once I've gotten some sleep."

He wanted to stay, to object to any alone time spent between Elena and Damon, even though she was technically still his ex-girlfriend and it wasn't his place. But he simply nodded and disappeared up the stairs, giving them some privacy.

Elena had tried everything she could think of to get Damon to feel again, but he was determined not to do so. In her final attempt of the morning, she simply said, "Damon...please. You can be my friend _and _protect me. I know you can. You did it before. And I _miss _you. You haven't been around lately, and well, now I guess I know why."

Damon considered her for a long moment Even without his humanity, he knew there was not much he wouldn't do for her. But he would regret flipping the switch only to make her happy, particularly if his wild emotions ended up getting her hurt or killed later on. So, finally, he told her, "Give me a reason. When I had my emotions, I was miserable. Not feeling...at least for now, that's better. If I could have my emotions and not be either miserable or out of control, then I would switch because I know you want me to. So find me a reason, and I will."

For one very surprising second, Elena wanted to kiss him. _That _would give him a reason, alright. But she restrained herself. "Okay, I'll try to think of something."

He smiled at her, but it was hollow. "Fine. And now, you'd better go home and get some sleep before Stefan gives himself an aneurism from the strain of leaving you alone with the big bad vampire."

Elena rolled her eyes, but allowed Damon to show her to the door. She drove home, and had already settled herself under her covers again before she realized that she hadn't made any progress on learning the information she'd needed to know. Damon had compelled her, and she _still _ had no idea why.

But she _did _know that he had switched off his emotions sometime after that night. She couldn't help but wonder if those two things had anything to do with each other.

When she slept, she dreamed of the desert again. Except this time, Damon was on fire by the time she found him.


	3. Regretting The Things We Don't Try

**Disclaimer: Still not mine**

**Author's Note: This chapter is highly inspired a bit of my own life. Let me tell you...three months of only nightmares really start to mess with your head after a while. Elena hasn't had three months or anything, but what I experienced inspired what she experiences. Also, in case any of you are interested in the energy shot Elena drinks, it DOES exist. And it's AWESOME for all night writing-fests. Anyway, reviews feed the ravenous muse. Hope you enjoy!**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Three: We End Up Regretting The Things We Don't Try

Elena wandered through the halls of her school like a zombie. She was so tired, she'd actually forgotten which class she was headed for and ended up in her trigonometry class a period early. Now, she was going back to American Literature and trying not to fall asleep in the middle of the hallway.

A pair of strong hands on her shoulders stopped her. She looked up into Alaric Saltzman's very concerned eyes. "Elena? You look like you got hit by a truck. Are you okay?"

"I don't even know anymore," Elena muttered. "I know I just really, _really _need a good night's sleep, but I can't sleep because of the nightmares and I can't stop the nightmares because Damon's an ass, and..." She trailed off after she realized that she must have been making absolutely no sense.

"Alright, well, I have this period free, so why don't we go to my classroom and we can talk about it? I'll send your teacher a note to excuse you." Alaric didn't let her answer; she didn't even seem up to that. He simply steered her into his classroom and closed the door.

She stumbled over to a desk and sat down, immediately resting her head in her arms on the desk. "Ric...if you could stop feeling your emotions, would you?"

To Alaric's credit, he did give the question a good deal of thought before he answered. "No," he finally said.

"And it would be just _awesome_ if you could give me a solid, concrete reason for that," Elena replied.

He went to the mini fridge behind his desk and retrieved the energy shot he kept there for emergencies. True, Elena _did _need sleep, but in his classroom, or anywhere else on school grounds, was not the place to get it. He put it down on the desk next to her. "I like who I am."

With a groan, she buried her head further into her arms. "Ugh, that doesn't help _at all."_

Alaric was confused. But he could tell that he wasn't the guy that would be able to solve her problems. "What class does Bonnie have right now?"

She looked at him blearily. "We're in fourth period, right?" He nodded. "Physics. With Mr. Duncan." She sat up and opened the bottle, downing it like she would a shot of alcohol and then shuddering. "Thank you for this It tastes awful, but thank you."

He strode over to his desk and called the physics lab. He made up an excuse about a project, and within minutes, Bonnie arrived at his classroom. "Hey, you said something about a proj-" She cut herself off when she saw Elena. She dropped her bag at a desk and rushed to her friend's side. Looking at Alaric, she asked, "What's wrong with her?

"My question exactly," the teacher replied. "That's why I called you. So you two go ahead and talk, and I'll be grading papers if you need me." He sat down and pulled a stack of papers closer.

"Elena?" Bonnie asked softly. "What's going on? And why do you look like death warmed over?" Her friend looked so awful that she was half-tempted to check for a pulse. "Is this why you've been avoiding me?"

"Yes," Elena muttered. "I didn't want you to hate Damon any more than you already do."

"Well, if he's making you look like this, then I'd say he deserves my hatred," she replied, already thinking of some really unpleasant curses she could put on Damon.

"No, it's me. It's my brain. My brain has decided to torture me."

"You're not making any sense, Elena. Come on, just tell me everything, and we'll find some way to work it out."

Elena was too tired to even try to lie to Bonnie, though she could feel the energy drink starting to kick in. She summarized in the quickest way she could think of. "Damon compelled me, but he won't admit it. I don't know what he made me forget, but I know that it _hurts_ that I don't know it. I could probably convince him to give it back, except he switched off his emotions and isn't the same anymore. I miss him all the time, probably because I know he's not really there anymore. And I keep having these horrible nightmares..." She shuddered and told her friend all she could about the nightmares, particularly about how they got worse every night. "It's so horrible, Bonnie. Last night, in my dream, I actually just sat back and watched him burn. I didn't even care enough to help. I would _hate _to be that person. I wanted to vomit when I woke up, and I've been screaming in my sleep so much that Jenna wants to send me to a therapist."

"Wow." Bonnie had to take a moment to process everything. She sat on top of the desk next to Elena. "And all of this is coming because you think you need to save _Damon? _How do you know that whatever he took from you isn't bad? Maybe he hurt you and he doesn't want you to remember." She couldn't help it; she still really hated Damon. She could work with him for the sake of the bigger picture and, of course, anything to help Elena, but she wouldn't shed any tears if he happened to get impaled with something pointy and wooden.

"You don't understand," Elena told her, her voice barely audible, like she was conveying some great secret. "I know he hurt you and I get why you can't forgive him, I really do. But Damon would _never _hurt me. I'm totally sure of that. Under everything, he can be a really wonderful person. I've seen it, and I _know_ it wasn't just an act. I need him back But I don't know what to do to make that happen And hey, maybe my memories have a clue, but, oh, wait, they're not there anymore." Elena's voice was bitter. With the energy drink coursing through her system, she had enough energy to remember that she had reason to be a little pissed off, and her troubled sleep had been giving her one hell of a short temper.

"I don't think they're gone, Elena," Bonnie said, attempting to soothe her. "Look at Caroline. When she became a vampire, she got her memories back. So they have to still be in there. I think they're just buried."

Elena could see a glimmer of hope from Bonnie's words. "Could you get them back?"

Bonnie smiled a little, but shook her head. "Unless you want me to torture Damon until he decides to give your memories back, I can't do anything. Damon locked your memories away, so it has to be Damon that unlocks them."

She slumped again in disappointment, but immediately jumped up again and started pacing. "If they're still in there, maybe they're actually _causing _the dreams. I mean, what they're trying to tell me couldn't be more clear, but I have a feeling I'd be able to understand it a lot better if I had whatever I forgot back." She suddenly realized how fast she was talking, and that she was actually moving without stumbling. She looked at Alaric. "And what was in that drink, anyway?"

Alaric smiled. "Over six thousand percent of your daily value of vitamin B-12, to start with. It's not a replacement for healthy, natural sleep, but it's a help if you're about to collapse in the hallway. Or if you need to stay up all night to destroy a nest of vampires, which is why I always keep one handy."

"Nifty." She picked up the bottle and dropped it into her bag. She wanted to be able to keep that brand in mind for the future. Then she turned back to Bonnie. "Any ideas what I could tell him to make him want to feel again?"

Bonnie thought about it, but she couldn't come up with anything that Elena wouldn't have thought of. "I don't know. You know him a lot better than I do. You've tried everything you could think of?"

Elena bit her lip. "No...there's one more thing I haven't said to him yet." She sighed and pulled out her phone. She walked over to the corner so that Bonnie and Alaric wouldn't hear what she said, and then she called him, almost hoping that he wouldn't pick up.

He did. ""Ditching class to call me, Elena? There may be hope for you yet."

She didn't bother with a greeting; she just jumped straight into the last reason she'd thought of to give him, the one she was embarrassed to even say out loud. "Sex is more enjoyable when there are feelings involved."

He laughed. "Daring, I like it. Wrong, but daring. Sex is more enjoyable for _you _when there are feelings involved, and you only think that because you've never had it any other way. But hey, if you _ever _want to experiment, I am here for you."

"I'll call you later," Elena grumbled, hanging up the phone. She looked back at Bonnie. "Okay, _now_ I've tried everything I can think of." She went back to the desk and sat on top of it, facing Bonnie.

The witch sighed. She didn't want to mention the idea, but if it could help...she decided she had to say it, no matter how distasteful it was to her. "Elena...you know there's only one thing Damon really wants. It's you. And, well, I _really _hate to say it, but lately, you haven't sounded like you're as opposed to that as you used to be."

"What?" Elena asked, surprised. "I'm absolutely...I'm opposed!"

Bonnie raised an eyebrow. "It's not so easy for you anymore, now that you're not exactly with Stefan. Before, you had a really good reason to squash any potential feelings you might have had, and now that you can't, you may need to...re-evaluate. If the only way to save him is to give it a chance, would you be able to do that?"

Elena stared at her best friend, completely unable to comprehend the ideas that Bonnie was putting into her head. "I don't...there's nothing...I have to go." She grabbed her bag and made her way home as quickly as possible.

* * *

"_Elena" Damon begged. "Please, you have to help me. You're not even trying."_

_The black oil had dragged Damon down to his knees, and it swarmed all over his chest, leaving burn marks in its wake. He grimaced as the oil slid over the sensitive skin of his neck. His eyes implored her to do something, but she wouldn't come closer to him. She was empty inside, and her desire to save him had been melted away by the sun._

"_You're not worth it. You never were, Damon." As she spoke, the strange sun finally started to burn him. She watched, impassive, as smoke rose from his skin. Then, after a few moments, he started to burn. Elena laughed._

Elena woke up with a scream. This time, no one came running. They were used to her by now. She rolled over in her bed and sobbed into her pillow. This dream was so much worse than trying to save him and being brought down with him instead. In this dream, she hadn't even cared that he was hurting. She'd enjoyed it, even as he burned to ashes.

Bonnie's words echoed in the back of her mind, and she had her answer to the question her friend had asked. She felt around on the nightstand for her phone. Even though she was still crying, she had to call him. The dream had been so real. She needed him with her immediately so that she could see he was unharmed.

She pressed number four to speed dial him, and he picked up on the first ring. "Well, well, twice in twelve hours. Should I feel honored?"

"Damon," she whispered through her tears. She didn't want to keep her family up, though she was sure her scream had woken them. "I need to see you. Can you come over?"

There was a long pause on the other end. "I'll see you in a few."


	4. I Know You Better Than You Know Yourself

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: Sorry this took an extra day or two...let me know if it was worth it!**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Four: I Know You Better Than You Know Yourself

As she waited for Damon, Elena paced her room restlessly. Now that she had made the call, she had _no idea _what she intended to say to him. Since Bonnie had told her what she really already knew, that Damon would feel if _she _could feel for him, Elena was full of questions, almost all of which were aimed at herself.

One thing she was sure of was that Damon had been right when he called her a liar. She'd never told a soul, never even committed it to paper in her diary. But she wondered, occasionally, what would have happened if she'd met Damon first.

But she hadn't. And in her determination to not be Katherine, she pushed away any feelings she might have had for the older brother out of loyalty to the younger one. She'd buried any thought that could have led to anything more than friendship so deep she actually reminded herself of Damon.

At that thought, Elena stopped pacing. _That's it, isn't it?_ she thought. _How can I ask Damon to allow himself to feel if I won't do the same?_

But then she was back to square one, running the risk of turning into Katherine. Her ancestor had played the Salvatores against each other, damaging them both irreparably in the process. At that moment, Elena promised herself that, no matter what else she did, she would be honest with both brothers. It was the only way she'd be able to live with herself, and this was hard enough.

A soft tap came at her window. She opened it, and Damon climbed in. He studied her for a moment. "You've been crying. Are you okay?"

Elena closed the window behind him so the cold air would stay outside. "Do you really care?" she asked him.

"Yes and no," Damon answered honestly. "I care because I _know _I care. I know that probably makes no sense to you, but it's more logical than emotional. And you were crying because...?"

She sighed, unsure of how much to tell him. "I've been having nightmares," she started.

He snorted. "Seriously? You called me over here because you had a _bad dream?_ Do you need me to read you a story and then tuck you into bed? How about I check the closet and make sure the only scary monster in the room is me?"

"You're not a monster!" Elena yelled, and then remembered the other two people sleeping in the house. She kicked herself for deciding that having this conversation in a place where she couldn't yell at him was a good idea. "Or you don't have to be," she added, softer. She went to sit on her bed. She scooted back against the headboard and drew her knees up to her chest, making herself as small as possible.

Damon leaned against her vanity, arms crossed over his chest. "You're fooling yourself, Elena. I'm a vampire. I _love _being a vampire, and unlike Stefan, I never pretended anything different. If you saw anything else, it was because you wanted to."

"I saw it because it was _there, _and now I want to see it again," Elena replied. "But I think I'm starting to get it. You said you were miserable when you had your emotions. That was because of me, wasn't it?"

He didn't answer for a long time. Every second that passed, Elena felt worse. Finally, he said, "No. It was a lot of things."

But from how long it took him to answer, she knew she was one of those things, and probably one of the bigger ones. "I don't want to hurt you either," she whispered. Then, with a deep sigh, she added, "But I also don't want to hurt _him. _And I'm starting to think, more and more, that there's no way that I'll get both of those wishes."

"Sure there is. No emotions, remember? I turned them off, so I won't hurt. You've got your wish. You're angry that it doesn't feel the way you want it to," he told her. "I'm doing the right thing. You're just too human to realize it."

"No," she said, her voice barely audible. Bits of her dreams flashed through her mind, and she finally realized what part of them meant. "I'm killing everything that's good about you by inches. Every minute your emotions are gone because of me hurting you, you lose a little more of your humanity." She got off of the bed and went to stand in front of him. His hands dropped to his sides, and she stood closer to him than she'd ever willingly stood before. "My friend is locked inside you," she said sadly, pressing one hand over his unbeating heart. "He's dying, and it's my fault. So I'll make you a deal, if you let him out."

Damon stared into Elena's eyes, searching for any possible deception. He found none, but he was still on his guard. She had a tendency to make sure he didn't know he'd been played until after it had happened. "You have my attention."

Elena bit her lip. Once she told him, she would never be able to take the words back. She would have to accept it as reality and, even worse, deal with the backlash from Stefan. But she couldn't take watching Damon burn anymore. She couldn't imagine how her dreams could get any worse, but she knew they would if she kept on the same road she'd been on. It was time for a detour.

"If you bite that lip any harder," Damon told her tensely, "this conversation is going to end abruptly. But don't worry; you'll enjoy it."

She flushed and released her lip from her teeth. She hadn't realized how close she was to drawing blood. His extreme confidence annoyed her, but only because she knew he probably wasn't exaggerating. Damon Salvatore was sex on a stick, and the worst part was that he knew it. That wasn't why she was always so distracted by him, but it sure as hell didn't help.

"Okay...here it goes." She closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and finally said, "You were right. I was lying. About not feeling anything for you. But I don't know if it really counts as lying, since I didn't know I was doing it. It was just instinct to push away any feelings because of Stefan. But if you'll flip your switch, I'll allow myself to feel too. You'll have a fair chance."

Damon could feel a torrent of emotions bubbling to the surface, and he ruthlessly pushed them back down again. He had never been so tempted in his life, but he was determined to be strong. Nothing had changed. He still didn't deserve her. "Elena," he begged. "Don't do this to me. I'm telling you, I made the right choice."

He was pushing her away. He hadn't actually moved yet, but she could still feel it. She could tell that he was building more and more walls against her, and she couldn't stand it. She did the only thing she could think of, her last ditch effort to pull Damon back to her. Elena stood on her toes and leaned into him, pressing her lips against his.

At first, there was nothing, For two solid seconds, Elena was sure that it was too late, and that her fate was to be driven completely insane by her dreams because she couldn't bring Damon back to his humanity. He fought it with everything he had, but it was no use. He could actually feel the moment his switch flipped itself, despite what he told it to do. Then his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her even closer to him, and the kiss exploded with passion. Their lips moved together, and she forgot the nightmares, and that she was betraying Stefan, and even that the man she was kissing had once killed her brother. For precious seconds, none of it mattered.

When Elena pulled away so she could breathe, she looked into Damon's eyes again. His eyes would always be captivating, but now she could finally see the depth they'd lacked recently. "You flipped it?" she asked, just to be sure. She realized that she'd nearly climbed on him while they were kissing. She'd been so lost in the kiss that she hadn't even noticed that her arm was clutching around his shoulder, and her other hand had entangled itself in his hair. She was pressed against him so tightly that she could feel every single line of him against her body. She could even feel how very much he'd enjoyed the kiss. She could also feel her own excitement burning low in her stomach. She backed away a few inches; it was the only way to think clearly.

Damon nodded. "It's done. It's against my better judgment, but it's done. And I hate to kill the mood, but what about Stefan?"

She thought it through. "Well...I met Stefan first. So I fought anything I felt for you from the get-go. Plus, you were kind of an ass, so that helped. But now...now denial is no longer an option. So I'm going to tell Stefan the truth: that I owe it to myself and to you to let myself feel what I'm feeling, and eventually, I _will _make my choice. But I need to fully understand both options before I can decide on the rest of my life. I'll always be honest with both of you about what's going on, and I won't sneak around behind anyone's back. But I won't flaunt anything either. Does that sound fair?"

"Except for one thing," he replied. "I won't share you. If you choose him, I'll find a way to deal with it, but while you're mine, you're _mine. _I've had more than enough sharing with Stefan for one eternity."

"Agreed," Elena said quickly. "I'm not bed-hopping here. One at a time is enough for me, thanks."

Damon smiled. "Good. Now how is this gonna work?"

She backed away from him a little more, attempting to alleviate the temptation she felt. "I want to spend time around you. You know, when you're not drunk or saving my life. Just us."

He quirked an eyebrow. "So we're dating?"

"Guess so," she said, her lips curving upward.

"Okay," Damon said. He wasn't sure how to go about it, but he wouldn't let that stop him. "So...want to go to dinner tonight? Around eight?"

She nodded eagerly. "I would love to."

"Good. Now, do you still need me to read you a story and tuck you in? Can you get back to sleep?"

Elena thought about it. She _thought_ she'd made significant progress in the fight against her nightmares, but she wasn't entirely positive. However, the only way to find out was by going back to sleep. "I think I'll be okay."

"Then I'll see you tonight." Damon stepped forward and brushed a light kiss across her lips, just enough to leave her yearning for more. Then he was gone.

She went back to sleep, and she didn't dream.


	5. Perfection Ain't Perfect

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: Okay, I know we were all looking forward to the date...but unfortunately, this chapter had to come first. The date will be next chapter, and will hopefully be made of awesome. Like it? Review it!**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Five: Perfection Ain't Perfect

Elena could think of very few things she wanted to do _less _than what she was about to do. But she had promised both Damon and herself that she'd be completely honest with _both _brothers. Now, she had to deal with the more difficult consequences of that decision.

She found Stefan at lunch, sitting with Caroline. She knew asking for privacy was futile. With Caroline's vampire hearing, she'd probably pick up every word. But Elena asked anyway, and Caroline nodded and went to talk to Tyler.

Elena took the seat her friend had just vacated, across from Stefan. "So...um...I have to tell you something."

Stefan's brow furrowed. "You sound nervous."

She nodded. "I am. Just promise you'll let me explain before you do anything stupid, okay?"

There was a long silence, and then Stefan conceded. "I promise."

"I kissed Damon last night," she said bluntly.

He was on his feet in a flash. "I'll kill him."

"Maybe you weren't listening," Elena hissed, annoyed that he hadn't been able to keep his promise for thirty seconds. _"I _kissed _him._ So if you want to be pissed at someone, be pissed at me."

He studied her, wary, and took his seat again. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to," she whispered, watching the hurt show on his face. She added, "And because it was the only way to get him back. He turned his emotions off, or didn't you notice?"

Stefan bristled. How could Elena do this to him? She couldn't possibly be choosing Damon, could she? He couldn't let that happen. "The only thing I've noticed about Damon lately is that he's been fucking Rose. Other than that, I've been a little distracted with trying to save your life."

Elena hadn't known about Damon and Rose, and she sensed that Stefan was only telling her in order to make her angry at Damon. It didn't work. If she was going to hold Damon's past against him, she had _much _bigger issues than some meaningless sex with Rose.

"I think everyone's been distracted by that, so his pain got lost in the shuffle. And I don't care if he had sex with her without his emotions. I'd care if he did it _now,_ but things are different now." Elena had to fight to keep a smile off her face. She still couldn't forget the kiss, and she was really looking forward to their date.

Stefan was incredulous. He'd always been paranoid about this exact situation, but he didn't ever really think it would be Elena who would betray him. He'd always thought Damon would get her drunk and seduce her, or blackmail her, or compel her. He felt like a light had been turned on over his head. "Wait, this isn't you. Damon must have compelled you."

She shook her head, almost wishing it was that simple. She hadn't forgotten that Damon _had _compelled her, and she still didn't know _why, _but she knew this wasn't it. "No. God, Stefan, for having been his brother for 162 years, you really don't know him at all, do you? He doesn't want to compel me to choose him. He wants it to be real."

"Are you saying you're actually...you're going to...are you with _Damon _now?"

"Kind of," Elena admitted. "I'm sorry, but if I'm gonna be with you, I don't want it to be because you found me first. I want it to be because it's right."

"What about us isn't right?" Stefan asked. He knew they were already technically broken up, but this was the first time he was thinking that she might not actually come back to him. It was terrifying. "Whatever it is, we can fix it."

She looked down and traced her fingers over some writing that had been carved into the table. She'd done a lot of thinking about her relationship with Stefan since they'd been broken up, and she was really starting to see some major problems they had. She'd never seen them before because she'd simply never looked; she'd never thought to question their love for each other. Now, with Katherine in their lives and ancient vampires out for her blood, she _had _to think about those things.

She looked up again, wanting to see his reaction when she asked her question. "If I wanted to become a vampire because I wanted to be with you forever, would you change me?"

As she'd guessed, Stefan looked like he'd been slapped, like he couldn't imagine a more painful idea. "Elena, there are other ways to save you from Klaus. We'll think of something."

"That's not what I'm talking about," Elena said. "If we beat this, and I choose you, and I know for sure that I want you, forever, would you turn me?"

Stefan gave it a good deal of thought, but finally said, "No. I wouldn't condemn you to this life."

Elena nodded. The answer was what she'd expected, but she still felt the sting of rejection. The first person she'd ever really loved didn't want to keep her forever; that hurt, even though she knew it was coming. She dropped her voice to a whisper, hoping that Caroline and, worse, Tyler wouldn't pick up her words. "And you've just given a great example of our problems. First off, you act like your choice is the be-all, end-all of the matter, and it's not. If I were to choose to turn, for the right reasons, I don't think you'd be able to support my choice. Don't get me wrong. I know it's not a decision to make lightly, and I know it would be really hard, and that I would never be able to take it back. But if it was right, I'd want to know that you'd be able to feel that too. And secondly...we've been living in a dream, and we have to face the facts. You're immortal, and I'm not, and if we're going to be together...well, something's gotta give. You can't become human, so I would have to change if I wanted it to last. The fact that you honestly think it would be better for me to die knowing that the love of my life would be missing me for the rest of _eternity_ is insane."

"And you think Damon would be different?" Stefan asked. He'd completely missed what she was trying to do. He didn't acknowledge the flaws in his logic or their relationship. He went straight to the Damon issue.

"I think he'd let me make my own choice. He loves being what he is, so if I wanted it...I think he'd be happy to have me along for the ride."

Stefan frowned at her, disapproving. He didn't like that she referred to it as a ride. "You're just forgetting one thing. Damon isn't capable of that sort of love. With his emotions or without, he's still a monster."

"No, he is _not," _Elena replied through clenched teeth. She'd known Stefan wouldn't take this well, but she hadn't guessed that he'd sink so low. "He loved Katherine for 145 years."

"Yeah, and the second she pissed him off, he got over her and moved on to his new obsession."

For the first time since she'd known him, Elena wanted to slap Stefan. She glared at him, but decided to give him the basic rules she'd set down with Damon, so he would know what to expect. Just because _he _was being a jackass didn't mean she had to be one as well. "I just wanted to make sure you knew what was going on, that I'm not making my final choice, but I _am _investigating my options. There will come a time when I will make my choice, and it won't be 145 years from now, unlike Katherine. So, like I told Damon last night, I'll always be honest with both of you, I won't sneak around and hide my relationship, but I won't flaunt it either. But, aside from all that, you should know that, for all intents and purposes, I'm currently...dating Damon."

A year ago, that last phrase would have made her top ten list of things she'd never say. But now it was out there, and Stefan would have to deal with it.

Stefan got up from the table and walked away without responding.

Caroline was in his place within a minute. "Seriously? You and Damon?"

Elena winced. She'd known that Caroline could hear her, and the general rule she and Bonnie had learned to live by was that if Caroline knew, so did everyone else. So she felt it was fair to assume the cat was definitely out of the bag when it came to her and Damon. "Yeah. Will it be weird for you?"

Caroline shrugged. "A little. But I guess it's totally fair, right? I mean, I dated your ex too. Anyway, it's less weird now than it would have been before I got my memories back. And I know he really cares about you."

"I care about him too," Elena admitted. "I can't ignore that anymore."

"I get that," Caroline said. "And don't worry about Stefan. He's just pissed that he's not the golden boy for once."

"I have a date with Damon tonight. I'm really excited about it, but also kind of scared out of my mind. Do you want to come over and help me get ready? Maybe we can invite Bonnie too?"

"Count me in," she said, a huge smile adorning her features. Things had been so awful lately, what with her dying, turning into a vampire, and then with a clone of her best friend trying to kill everyone. She could really use an afternoon of just hanging around with her two favorite girls and talking about a boy. "I can't wait. When should I come over?"

"The date's at eight, so anytime after we get out of school will be good."

"Awesome!" Caroline said. The bell rang, signaling them to their classes. She grabbed her bag and stood up. "So I'll see you in a few hours. Later!" She raced off, out of Elena's sight in seconds. She wasn't using her vampire speed, but she definitely moved quicker since turning.

Elena picked up her own messenger bag and got to her feet. In the space of one lunch period, she'd managed to do some serious, maybe even irreparable, damage to her relationship with Stefan, accidentally gone public about her relationship with Damon, and made Caroline's week. And the biggest part of her day hadn't even started yet.


	6. Come On Sweet Catastrophe

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: Wow...considerably less feedback last chapter, but don't worry. I get it. I don't like Stefan either. But as promised, this chapter does contain the date, after a good amount of girl talk. Thank you so much to those who _did _review last chapter, and for understanding why that chapter _had _to happen before the date in order for this story to remain remotely in character.**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Six: Come On Sweet Catastrophe

"You get that thing away from me!" Elena snapped at Bonnie.

Bonnie put down the hair curler very slowly, confused. "Okay...is it an objection to your hair being styled in general or is it curly hair that bothers you in particular?"

"Katherine has curly hair," Caroline supplied, showing a surprising amount of insight.

Elena gave her a grateful look for saying what she'd rather not. "Exactly."

Bonnie re-wrapped the cord around the curler. "Alright. We'll just be putting this under the sink again until...Well, probably until the next century or so." She put the curler back in the bathroom, then returned.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," Elena told her. "It's just...well, our hair is pretty much the only thing physically different about us. I don't want to confuse this situation any more than it already is by looking more like Katherine than I already do."

"I know, Elena. I get it," Bonnie assured her. "I didn't think."

"What did Damon say you should wear?" Caroline asked, opening Elena's closet door and very effectively changing the subject.

"'Something warm,'" Elena said. "Those were his exact words."

"Well, duh," the blond said. "It's December. If you don't wear 'something warm,' you're going to be a popsicle before the night's done." She walked into Elena's closet and started perusing her clothing. "But we need to do warm but still sexy." She snatched a shirt off a hanger and held it up to Elena. She made a face and disappeared back into the closet. "This is gonna be tough. It's a good thing we don't have to make him want you, Elena, since he already does."

"Would you just pick something so I can help her decide on her makeup?" Bonnie asked.

"No, it has to be perfect!" Caroline replied.

"It doesn't have to be _perfect,"_ Elena said. "I mean, Damon's screwed up like you wouldn't believe. Why would I want to be perfect with him? Stefan's the perfect one... and then it's just hard to live up to."

Caroline peeked her head out of the closet, holding up a long skirt. It disappeared again just as fast as she'd shown it. "Yeah, Damon's a psychotic mess. But you'll notice he always _looks _stunning. Like this dress!" She raced out and held it against Elena, then left it in her arms as she went back in the closet and emerged again in an instant. "Okay. We've got an outfit."

Elena held up the dress so she and Bonnie could get a good look at it. It was a black sweater dress with a V-neck and long sleeves. The dress went to her mid thigh, which was why Caroline was holding up a thick pair of dark purple tights and knee high black boots. "You're right. This is perfect. I can't even remember the last time I wore this."

"Maybe you've been saving it for a special occasion," Bonnie commented, one side of her mouth lifting up, almost into a smile.

"Does that mean you approve?" Elena asked hopefully. She knew Bonnie and Damon were far from friends, but it meant a lot to her that Bonnie was here, helping her get ready. It meant her friend might be able to get past the insane idea that Elena might want Damon around for the foreseeable future.

"I'm not gonna lie," the witch told her. "I'll probably never really like the guy. And yeah, I prefer Stefan, but...well, it's not my choice to make. And I'm not gonna sit here and bitch and moan about your tragic taste in men. I mean...I'm really not one to talk, you know?"

"Yeah, aren't you, like, _dating_ Jeremy?" She put the tights on top of the dress in Elena's hands and pushed the shocked girl into the closet, closing the door on her surprised face. "Get dressed! We're at T-minus one hour until your date!" she yelled through the door

Bonnie flushed. "We're not _dating. _We just hang out a lot because, well, we're always in mortal danger, and so there's always a reason to be around each other." She glanced at the closed closet door. "Plus, wouldn't it be weird? He's Elena's brother."

Both girls jumped when they heard Elena's voice from the other side of the door. "I'm dating my ex-boyfriend's vampire brother, who has had sex with not one, but two of my ancestors, not to mention one of my best friends. Bonnie, _nothing _about your dating life could be considered weird."

"Does that mean you approve?" Bonnie asked, echoing Elena's words back to her.

Elena opened the closet door and showed off her outfit to her two friends. On Caroline's instructions, she did a full spin and put on the shoes to make sure they worked with the rest of the outfit. Finally, she answered, "If you can approve of Damon, I can approve of you and Jeremy. Just try not to go the way of the rest of his girlfriends."

"Which way is that?" Caroline asked.

"The dead vampire way," Elena answered.

"I'll be careful," Bonnie assured her. "Now, sit down so I can do your makeup."

By the time Bonnie was done, Elena had dark eye makeup that made her look 'sultry,' as Caroline put it, a light foundation that gave her a bit of a glow, and clear lip gloss that simply enhanced the natural color of her lips. It was makeup she herself could have done in ten minutes, but with every decision that had to be made and voted on by the three girls, it took closer to forty five minutes.

Caroline hastily picked out some silver jewelry for her to wear, since it would match the vervain necklace she refused to remove. She didn't wear it to protect herself from Damon, but she never knew when she might get kidnapped by one of the more incompetent vampires, who wouldn't think to rip it off her, like Elijah did. But she did know, if she ended up picking Damon, she might want to get herself some other trinket to keep her vervain in. Something Stefan _hadn't _given her.

"Done!" Caroline exclaimed, just as the doorbell rang.

Elena's stomach dropped to her feet. "Guys...I'm going on a date with Damon. This is actually happening, right?"

"Yes, it is," Bonnie said. "Now get your butt downstairs and try to enjoy yourself."

She got to her feet and walked on very shaky legs down the stairs. She could barely even remember the last time Damon had bothered with the doorbell. He seemed to prefer showing up unannounced in her bedroom. She supposed it said a lot about her feelings for him that she didn't really mind that habit so much anymore.

She knew Bonnie and Caroline would show themselves out, so she went to open the door for Damon. She threw the door open and met his eyes, and she suddenly realized exactly how right Caroline was. No matter what Damon's other flaws, no one would ever be able to say that he wasn't one of the most beautiful creatures on the planet. He wasn't wearing anything particularly special, just one of his black button downs and his ever-present leather jacket. He'd switched out his usual jeans for slacks, but other than that, he looked how he would any other night, except maybe a little bit happier.

"My lady?" he asked, offering her his arm.

"Bye!" Elena called up the stairs. She could hear Caroline and Bonnie giggling. She gave Damon a dazzling smile. "Hi!" She took Damon's arm and allowed him to escort her to his car. The moment seemed so surreal to her. She was going out on a real date with Damon...she wasn't even sure if Stefan had ever made this kind of an effort for her. They always just hung out. There was always some event they could go to together. But this dinner with Damon felt somehow more...deliberate. More romantic for the extra effort and planning that had gone into it.

They got into his car, and Damon drove them a few blocks away. They came to an intersection, and he handed her a quarter. "Flip it. Heads, we go right. Tails, we go left."

Elena took the quarter from him, but gave him a strange look. "Can't make up your mind?"

He shrugged. "I've got a restaurant picked out in either direction. I couldn't decide which one would be more fun, so I decided to leave it up to the Fates. So we'll flip for it."

She flipped the coin up, careful not to flip it so hard it would hit the roof of the car, and then caught it in her right hand, flipping it over onto the back of her left hand before looking at it, just like her dad had taught her. "It's tails."

A smile lit up Damon's features. "So we go left. Fantastic."

"And what was to the right?" Elena asked.

"An Italian restaurant. Maybe next time." He looked over at her, running his eyes over her outfit. "Have I mentioned that you look positively..._delectable _this evening?"

She lit up at the compliment. "You have now. And are you _always _going to compliment me in terms that could also be used to describe food?"

His grin grew. "Well, now that you mention it, you are also appetizing, tasty, and mouth-watering." He paused, considering, then added, "And also hot."

Elena rolled her eyes. "You're hopeless."

The atmosphere in the car got quiet and somber immediately. Damon broke the silence after a few seconds. "You don't really think that, do you?"

"No," she answered. She didn't even need to think about it. She _knew _there was hope for him. She'd always known. "I don't think that."

In a few minutes, he had reached the restaurant of his choice. He parked the car and opened the door for Elena, then escorted her into the building.

"An Irish pub? We're in an Irish pub!" Elena whispered to Damon, feeling very much like she was about to be carded.

"Oh, stop being ridiculous, Elena. It's a restaurant. With a bar. Not unlike the Grill. Just because it's Irish doesn't make it a pub." He gave the hostess his name, and they were quickly taken back to their table.

"Do they serve haggis here?"

"No, but only because they're Irish, not Scottish."

"How did I never know this was here?" she asked, inspecting the menu. There were some cultural favorites, but also the average array of burgers and sandwiches.

"Because you always go to the Grill, and you got used to it. Maybe even attached. It made you stop looking for other things to eat."

She knew he wasn't only talking about food. He could just as easily be talking about her relationship with Stefan, and he couldn't have missed the double meaning. She changed the subject. "So why Irish? I thought you were Italian."

He raised an eyebrow. "What? Did the name Salvatore tip you off?" They both laughed, and then he answered her. "I'm actually one quarter Irish. My grandmother, on my mother's side. She was my favorite relative growing up."

Elena leaned forward, instantly captivated. It was so rare that Damon opened up about his past, his human life. She wanted to hear as much as she could before he stopped being in a sharing mood. "Why was she your favorite?"

Damon hesitated, unsure if he should tell her the real reason. They were having a nice evening thusfar, and he didn't need to bring his bitterness into it...but he didn't want to lie to her. "She was the only person who ever liked me better than Stefan. Actually, it's nearly a century and a half later, and I think that's still true."

"That can't be true!" Her eyes widened in sudden understanding. "Can it?"

"Not entirely true," he admitted. "The people who never met Stefan definitely liked me better."

Her eyes were sad when they looked at him, finally beginning to understand how lonely he must be, under all the bravado and sarcasm. And the longer she looked at him, the more she realized what she had known and feared for quite some time, probably since their trip to Georgia.

If Elena allowed herself to, as she had promised Damon she would, she could fall in love with him. No...she almost certainly _would _fall in love with him.

And if she did, what would her choice be? If she had to choose between two brothers she loved, who both loved her – assuming Damon would say it eventually, when he was ready – which could she choose? She knew her answer, and it frightened her to the very core of her being. If all the other factors were equal, she would choose the brother who needed her love more. And from this conversation, it was very clear which one that was.

"What can I get you two?" the waitress asked, stunning Elena out of her thoughts.

They both ordered, and the waitress left again, taking their menus with her.

"Tell me more about your grandma," she said. "She sounds like someone I might have gotten along with."

Damon smiled a little. "Her name was Kerra. She was the wild one in the family. She made up her mind to marry my grandfather, even though her family didn't approve, and so she did it without their consent, which was unheard of back then. Unfortunately, it also lost her a lot of respect in my family. That never made sense to me, so I treated her better because everyone else treated her worse. Even Stefan, which was probably because my father did, and Stefan was nothing if not obsessed with pleasing him." He closed his eyes, remembering. "She always said that her wild nature lived on in me. That's why she liked me more."

Elena moved her hand over the table to hold his. "I think she was right."

He stroked his fingers over hers, reveling in the simple contact. "So...if we're dating, does that mean I get all the privileges that would normally come with dating you?"

She blushed. "Which privileges would those be?"

"Oh, you know..." he said lightly, trailing light patterns over her hand in a very distracting manner. "Kissing you whenever the urge takes me, maybe even in public. Trying to seduce you into my bed, of course..."

Elena was bright red. The blood rushing under her skin was making Damon look at her like he wanted to eat her alive, but only in all the most pleasurable ways. He licked his lips and her mind went a little fuzzy, trying not to think about all the things she imagined that tongue could do to her.

She forced herself to concentrate so she could answer him. "Yes to the first, in public or private, but again, I prefer not to flaunt anything in front of Stefan. To the second...you're welcome to try, but I'm also welcome to stop you until I'm good and ready. And don't even bother tonight, Damon. I don't know what kind of girls you usually date, but I do _not _put out on the first date."

"No need to worry about that tonight, Elena," he assured her. However, he had definitely seen on her face all the things she was thinking, and he was enjoying a rather sizable ego boost as a side effect. He was thrilled that she lusted after him. It would make his eventual seduction come much quicker. "No, for tonight, there's actually a part two after dinner. If you're up for it."

The food came then, and their conversation moved to lighter topics, though Elena continued to wonder what Damon meant by part two...and how long she would really be able to hold out before giving in to him in every way that mattered.

**Yes, this date is so epic that it requires two chapters to be completed! What could part two possibly contain? Reviews will let you find out faster!**


	7. Watch The Sky

**Disclaimer: Still not mine**

**Author's Note: Okay, as promised, here's part two of the date**, **extra long, just like part one. And it's all because you guys were so awesome on reviews last chapter! And a warning: this chapter starts to earn its M rating, though no real smut yet. For that, you'll have to be patient. Let me know what you think!**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Seven: Watch The Sky

"Seriously, Damon, what's out there?" Elena squinted her eyes, looking out of the car window into the night. He refused to tell her where he was taking her, and all she saw ahead was darkness. It was driving her crazy. The road he had chosen had no streetlights, so the car could careen off a cliff in three seconds, and she wouldn't know it was there until she was falling. Well, that wasn't entirely true. The moon and stars provided some light, but significantly less than she was used to.

"Someplace dark. Far away from the light from the town," Damon replied. He pushed his foot down further on the accelerator. He didn't want to be late.

She gave up on trying to see where they were going, and instead turned to look at him. "You're not going to murder me, are you?" She didn't suspect for one second that murdering her was his actual intention, but it was certainly the question she would ask a normal person if he drove her away from all traces of civilization on the first date.

Damon rolled his eyes, then gave her an exasperated look. "Yes, Elena. I decided to wait around for a year, and only when you finally come to the conclusion that you enjoy my company, _that's _when I know the time has come to kill you. Really, I do this all the time. It's a fun game for me."

"Oh, come on, I don't really think you're bringing me out here to murder me. But look at the situation, Damon. If you were almost anyone else, I would be trying to figure out the best way to jump out of a moving vehicle without hurting myself right about now."

He looked back in the direction of Mystic Falls again. When even his enhanced eyesight couldn't pick up any traces of light, he pulled over to the side of the road He hit the button to retract the top of the convertible, opening them up to the night sky.

"What-" Elena started.

Damon shushed her. "Look up."

She leaned back in her seat and looked up into the sky. "What am I..."

"Wait for it."

His patience surprised her, but she didn't know why. If she thought about it, it made a lot of sense that a guy who had been around for over a century and a half, and didn't have to worry about dying or aging, would be patient. But somehow, she'd never imagined that _Damon _could be.

She didn't have to wait long. After about three minutes, a shooting star crossed the sky, and then another one caught her eye, across the sky from where she'd been looking. She turned to him. "There's a meteor shower tonight?"

"Usually this time every year, yeah. Here, hop in the back; it's more comfortable." He easily climbed over the seats and settled again in the seat behind where he had been a moment before. "Care to join me?"

Elena's mouth dropped open. She was so unsure of what to say. Damon was constantly behaving in the opposite way she'd expect from him, and it was throwing her off balance. At the same time, she _loved _seeing this side of him. "Damon, I told you that I won't..."

"Have sex with me tonight. Don't worry, I remember. But _you _need to stop making such assumptions about me. I am a gentleman, after all. Or I was, once upon a time."

She half-climbed, half-fell into the backseat with him. "Okay, so if you remember, why are we in the backseat of your convertible? Are you just a big fan of _not _having sex in all the most cliched places?"

He raised his hands defensively. "Hey, you said no sex, and so no sex there shall be. But you did _not_ say anything about cuddling."

If Elena hadn't been shocked before, this certainly did it. "You want to _cuddle?"_

He shrugged easily. "If it's on the menu." Damon extended his arms, almost daring her to get closer.

She scooted closer to him, and it took a few minutes for them to find a comfortable position in the back seat. They finally managed when Damon extended one leg across the seat and kept the other on the floor, then leaned back against the door. Elena leaned back into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her stomach. At that point, they both tilted their heads back to watch the sky.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a meteor shower kind of guy," Elena admitted after ten minutes filled with only sudden gasps when there was a particularly impressive event in the sky.

"I don't get the point of movie dates," Damon replied. "If you want to get to know someone, sitting in a theater not being allowed to talk isn't going to help." After a long pause, he added, "And I wanted it to be memorable."

"It is," she assured him. "It's perfect. Way better than a movie."

It didn't take her too long to figure out that Damon's idea of cuddling wasn't exactly as chaste as hers. It was one of the few things that _didn't _surprise her that night.

He started out casually enough. The hand that rested over her stomach started moving, drawing small circles near her belly button. The action went no farther, and it lulled her into relaxing a bit more.

He pulled her hair to one side, then returned his hand to her stomach, giving him access to her neck. She shuddered, mostly because she knew how vulnerable she was in that moment. She was almost scared, not that he would hurt her, but that allowing herself to be intimate with him would _change _something about her. She had a feeling she would be permanently altered by him.

Damon moved his mouth closer and pressed soft kisses along her neck. Goosebumps raced along Elena's spine, but she tilted her head to give him better access. He took advantage of her leniency, immediately leaning in and sucking lightly where he could feel her pulse. She let out of long moan, and Damon almost smiled. But that would have required him to detach his lips from a clearly sensitive spot.

He sucked on her flesh a little harder, and Elena scrambled to find something to grab on to. The seats gave her no purchase, so she ended up with one hand squeezing his knee while her body went way too insane for how little he was actually touching her. Her nipples had hardened into little pebbles, and she could feel definite moisture forming under her panties. He took note of all of her reactions, filing them away for later.

Finally, she couldn't allow him to continue without participating more. She turned around and straddled him, pressing her mouth to his. He pulled her closer, making her very aware of the bulge in his pants, but she knew it would never bring her satisfaction with all those layers between them. Their tongues battled for dominance, but he let her win. He had other pursuits in mind.

Damon's hand slid up her side, slowly inching its way to her breast. He moved slowly enough so that she could stop him if she wanted to, but she let him keep going until he was palming her breast over her dress. Even through the sweater material, she could feel his touch like electricity. "Damn it, Damon, why'd you tell me to wear something warm?"

"It's cold outside," he muttered before kissing her again.

Elena fisted her hands in the lapels of his jacket and pulled him forward so he would fall with her as she laid back on the seat. She knew she was only able to move him because he allowed it, but she appreciated it anyway. She kept her legs around him. A breathy moan issued from her lips when he settled back into place, pressed up against her again, reminding her of what she'd promised herself she wouldn't do.

"I don't care. Damon...god...I need..."

"What do you need?" Damon murmured into her neck. He found that spot again and gently bit down on it, causing her hips to arch up into his.

"I need you to touch me."

"Well, who am I to refuse a lady?" He let his hand trail down her body slowly, always giving her time to say no, but all she did was pull him closer. His hand slipped under the bottom of her dress and started toward her underwear.

Suddenly, he was pressed even tighter to her, but his hand was over her mouth instead. She looked up at him, confused, but his eyes told her all she needed to know. They were no longer hungry and passionate. They were worried and angry. He held a finger over his lips, and she nodded.

Slowly, Damon raised his head up, peeking over the car door. A second later, he was thrown from Elena, and she was being hoisted out of the car too quickly to really appreciate what was going on. "Damon!" she screamed.

She was ripped away from her captor and then found herself back in the car, sitting in the driver's seat, unharmed. She could see a struggle a few feet away, but they were moving too fast to see who was winning, or even to get an idea of who had interrupted them. The only thing she could gather was that it was another vampire.

"Glove compartment!" Damon yelled.

She immediately leaned over and popped open the glove compartment. She knew as soon as she saw it that he was asking her to retrieve the wooden stake inside. She was glad Damon thought ahead. But what was the best way to get it to him? She couldn't exactly toss it to him when he was moving almost faster than she could see. But the problem was quickly solved for her. It was plucked out of her hands a second later.

Elena wanted to scream, but she didn't. She couldn't afford to distract Damon. If he lost the fight, the consequences were more than she could bear to think about.

Ten seconds later, Damon had the other vampire pinned to the ground, the stake poised over his heart. He was blond and attractive in that slightly inhuman way that most vampires were. He had very strong features. Elena thought he looked like most of the jocks she knew.

"Who sent you?" Damon demanded.

"No one!" the other vampire hissed. He had a German accent. "I saw her at the restaurant and knew she must be taken to Klaus. He will want her, and the one who brings her will be greatly rewarded."

"You're weak. You can't have been a vampire for more than fifty years. How the hell do _you _know Klaus?"

"He made me!" the vampire yelled, pride ringing in his voice. "As he has made many others, to go out in the world and be his eyes. All who know him know that he hungers for the life of Katerina Petrova."

Damon weighed his options. He could tell the unnamed vampire that she _wasn't _Katherine, but that might be even worse. He really had no choice. He plunged the stake into the vampire's heart. There was a short yell of pain, and then silence.

He approached the car again, being careful not to turn to face Elena. "I need to get rid of the body, but I'd hate to leave you alone right now. I can call Stefan to come get you if you want..."

Elena picked up on how he wasn't looking at her immediately. She sat up on her knees on the car seat and reached for him. She pulled him closer, and he still tried to dodge her gaze. "It's okay, Damon," she told him softly. "You don't scare me."

He sighed, but allowed her to turn his face so she could look at him. It was a shock to her that he didn't have his fangs out, and his eyes were still just as beautiful and blue as they had been before. "But I thought...?"

"That I'd have fangs and the scary eyes? No, I have better control than that."

"Then why...?" she wondered.

"I didn't want to see the look on your face after the guy you were just kissing killed someone." His trademark smirk crossed his face, but then disappeared just as quickly as it had come. "So much for the perfect date, huh? I shouldn't have brought you so far out into the open like this. It was stupid."

Elena threw her arms around him and whispered into his hair, "No. He doesn't get to take this away from us. As far as I'm concerned, we had an awesome dinner, then watched a beautiful meteor shower. We fooled around in the backseat of your car, and then you took me home. It was perfect. It was the best date I've ever been on." She let go of him and pulled back a few inches, looking him in the eyes again. "As for what to do with me, you can either take me with you and or take me home and call Stefan to deal with this. I mean, we left you to clean up the mess enough times. It should be his turn now."

Damon refused to even consider bringing Elena with him to dump a body. No matter how well she could hold on to that perfect date, disposing of a vampire corpse would _definitely_ ruin it. So he called Stefan. He exchanged a few brief words with his brother, who was _very _pissed about everything Damon said, from how he was taking Elena home to how he needed Stefan to get his hands dirty for once. Even his suggestion that he bring Caroline with him so she could learn to hide her mistakes didn't go over well. Damon ignored the yelling. He gave Stefan the details and trusted that it would be taken care of. Saint Stefan was nothing if not responsible.

He opened the car door and waited for Elena to move back to the passenger seat. When she did, he climbed in and drove her home.

When they got to her house, the lights were still on inside, so either Jenna or Jeremy was still awake. He walked her to the door, and she gave him a quick peck on the lips before whispering, "Meet me upstairs."

She went inside and managed to make it up the stairs to her room without running into anyone. Damon arrived a few minutes later, after he had moved the car so it wouldn't raise suspicion. "Really, Elena, if you don't put out on the first date, you really shouldn't invite the boys up to your room. It sends mixed messages."

"Oh, shut up," she told him, grabbing her pajamas. "I know you don't want to leave me unprotected. So you can either spend the night outside, keeping watch over the house, and I know you've done it before, so don't even bother lying about it, or you can spend it in here with me, if you can be good."

"I was good all night!" he argued. "If I recall correctly, _you _were the one who was trying to take it past PG-13. So if you invited me up here to take advantage of me, you can just admit it."

"For the record, I'd much rather you stayed here than went outside. I don't want to be alone either." Elena took her PJs into her bathroom and quickly changed and brushed her teeth. When she returned to her bedroom, Damon was sitting on her windowsill, looking out into the night. She'd already climbed under the covers before he spoke. "So how do you want this to work? Should I keep watch here? Sleep on the floor?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Get in here. So long as you can let me sleep."

He kicked his shoes off, left his jacket on the chair, and made his way under the covers with her. She moved into his arms and kissed him, but she kept the kiss short. "I mean it about letting me sleep. My sleep has been really messed up lately."

"Maybe I can help," he offered.

"I think just you being here will help," Elena admitted drowsily.

"Alright...if I _must, _I suppose I can help you then."

Elena was already asleep. Damon kissed her forehead softly, then allowed himself to drift off as well.

**What? Why are there evil vampires sneaking into my pure, unadulterated fluff? Eh, because it just wouldn't be The Vampire Diaries if someone wasn't trying to kill Elena. Anyway, scientific fact: reviews make me write faster.**


	8. It's Always You In My Big Dreams

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: Okay, I don't know if I'll be able to get another chapter out as quickly as I'd like because I'm house-sitting for my parents until Friday, and it is much harder to write when there's a kitten who feels the urge to climb me every time I sit down at the computer. However, I will do my best for you. But apologies in advance if you don't see another chapter until after Christmas.**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Eight: It's Always You In My Big Dreams

_Elena sat in Damon's car, clutching the door. She wanted to scream, but her terror had frozen her until she was as still as a statue. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't move, even though she knew that it was _essential _that she get out of the car and join in the fight. Because they were moving slow enough to see._

_She didn't care that their strength could crush her. She didn't care that whatever she did against that kind of strength, it would be an act of futility. She just knew that she needed to get in there and do _something. _Because this time, she could see what was happening, and she could see that Damon was _losing.

_But she was _frozen. _There was nothing she could do, even as the German vampire pinned Damon to the ground. Even as Damon looked at her, so terrified, not for himself, but for her. She knew that he was worrying about what would happen to her now that he had failed to protect her. He didn't look beaten. He was still perfect and beautiful. The only signs of defeat were in his eyes._

_The other vampire, the one she could have _sworn _she remembered watching Damon kill, held the stake over Damon's heart, but he directed his fiery gaze to Elena. "You think you've saved him, but you haven't. You have to remember. You have to be _sure._ Or you'll always lose him in the end."_

_The vampire drew his arm back and then plunged the stake into Damon's heart._

_As the color started to fade from his skin, Elena began to scream and forgot how to stop._

"Elena!" Strong arms were shaking her awake, but she still couldn't get herself under control. "Elena, come on, I'm here!"

Sobbing, she collapsed into Damon's embrace. She ran her hands over his chest, his arms, his face, any part of him she could reach to make sure he was still intact, still with her. Finally, she pressed her lips to his, even though she hadn't managed to stifle her sobs yet.

Damon very gently pulled away from her. He studied her face intently, trying to reason out what had just happened without having to ask. When he couldn't come to any conclusion, he said, "You were screaming my name. And _not _in a good way. You said you weren't sleeping well...how long has this been going on?"

Elena shook her head, unable to recall at the moment. She leaned away from him to turn on the light, so she could see him as well as he could see her. "When your sleep patterns are as fucked up as mine have been, days start bleeding together, so I don't know. A week? Week and a half? Last night, after we talked, I didn't have nightmares, so I thought I was on the right track, but they're not gone They're just different."

She wasn't making any sense. Or at least, none that Damon could recognize. She was giving him pieces of the puzzle, but not enough of them to get any clear picture of what was going on. "On the right track? Elena, what do you mean? What are you dreaming about?"

"You. It's always _you._ And you're always _dying. _And I can never stop it." She looked away form his eyes, unsure if she really wanted to tell him the rest. They were doing so _well._ Would telling him she knew she'd been compelled ruin it? But she saw no other way. The dreams had pushed her this far. They'd pushed her to admit her feelings and to give him an honest shot. Now they were trying to push her farther, and she knew she had to obey.

"I know you gave me my necklace," she told him softly. She looked back into his eyes so she could have a chance at reading his reaction. But his face was impassive and cold. He was hiding his feelings well. "I know you compelled the memory away." She lifted her hand to his face, trying to chase away his mask of indifference. "What I _don't _know is why. But I'm not mad."

Damon couldn't hide the relief on his face, and he didn't return to his stoic expression, to Elena's relief. It reminded her of when he cut off his emotions, and she couldn't stand the idea of him doing it again. "I took away your memories and you're not mad?"

"I was at first, a little. But I know, whatever you took, you didn't do it to hurt me. But that doesn't mean it doesn't _hurt."_ Her voice broke on the last word, revealing how deep her pain really went. "Whatever it was, something inside me knows it's gone and it wants to have it back. My entire system is telling me that I _need _that memory. I need to _remember."_

He focused on a spot on her headboard, unwilling to meet her eyes. He hated himself for what he had to tell her, but there was no other way. "I took that memory because it wasn't something you wanted to know."

"How did you know? Did I ask you to take it away?" she asked. She couldn't imagine herself doing that, but maybe the circumstances had pushed her to extreme measures. Anything was possible.

"No, you...I just knew, okay?" He remembered the troubled look on her face that night. But the more he thought about it, the more he could almost convince himself that she looked troubled not because of the information she'd learned, but because he'd told her that she would have to forget it. But he couldn't give her the memory back based on that hunch. He couldn't afford it if he was wrong.

"But I want it back. I know that I want it. And if I don't...then you can take it away again, and let me remember telling you to. But I don't think I will." She caught one of his hands and held it in both of hers, hugging it close to her body. She fiddled with his ring while she carefully chose her words. "I don't think there's anything you could tell me that I wouldn't want to know. But if I'm wrong, you can take it away again."

"No, I can't," Damon told her, knowing how true his words were only after he'd said them. "Taking it the first time was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I don't think I could do it again. You're not the only one who hurts when I compel you, Elena."

The tears which had never really left Elena's eyes overflowed again, but she was able to contain them quickly. "Will you ever give it back? I just need to know because, frankly, these dreams might just do me in before you get around to it."

He thought hard about her question. If she wanted to remember his confession, _truly _wanted it, he would give it to her, but not until he could believe that she wanted to know and wouldn't run screaming back to Stefan. "Yes. I'll give it back. When I think you're ready to hear it. Until then, I'll try to find a way to help you with the nightmares."

"How will you do that?" Elena asked. She'd already tried varying her sleeping schedule and taking sleeping pills. If the dreams persisted, she wouldn't even be opposed to drinking herself into unconsciousness if it would help, and if she could find a fool-proof method of avoiding the hangover. But if Damon had any new ideas, she was happy to hear them.

"I'll stay and I won't sleep. The second you show any signs of being in a nightmare, I'll wake you up," he offered.

"You need your sleep," she objected. "Maybe not as much as I do, I know, but you do still need it."

Damon wracked his brain, and finally came up with a solution that might actually help. "I can teach you lucid dreaming. It'll take some time to master, and you might lose some more sleep in the process, but it'll help you control your dreams."

Elena found herself nodding. "Okay. That sounds good. But not tonight. Tonight, I want to go back to sleep, and you should too. The nightmares don't usually come more than once a night."

"Okay, you want sleep, you've got it." He switched off the light, and Elena curled up to go back to sleep. She faced away from him, but pulled his arm over her torso, forcing him to move closer. She wasn't satisfied until he was fully spooning her, and even then, she refused to let go of his hand.

A few moments of silence passed, and Damon almost thought she was asleep, but then she spoke. "Don't ever die, okay?" she whispered.

He chuckled. "I'm much closer to that goal than you are, you know."

"I know. But...just don't die. And it'd be really good if you could try not to leave too."

He pressed his lips to her hair. "I'm here. Go to sleep."

* * *

This time, when Elena woke to screams, she was almost relieved to discover that they weren't coming from her.

Then she realized _why _she was hearing screams, and why Damon was practically vibrating around her, presumably with the effort it was taking him not to laugh. She buried her head in her pillow, not at all ready to face the firing squad that was currently screaming at her.

"_No, _Elena, you do _not _get to hide from this one!" Jenna screamed at her. "That is your boyfriend's brother, and he is old enough to...well, to be your older brother, and this is so many different kinds of wrong that you are going to end up on Jerry Springer, and it is going to be one of those episodes people talk about for _years, _the kind that goes down in history..."

Elena sat up in bed because it was the only way she could think of to get her aunt to stop yelling. "Actually, Aunt Jenna, I know this isn't the best time to tell you about this, but...I'm kinda with Damon now."

That did it. Damon exploded with laughter. He was quite glad he didn't have to breathe because he was fairly sure it would pose a problem if he did. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed that hard.

Elena watched Damon, a little smile on her face. She couldn't help it. She had never seen him laugh like that. She could take the humiliation she was suffering because it was worth it to see him actually let go for a few seconds.

"Oh god," Jenna continued. "I heard you screaming last night, but I just figured it was more nightmares, but no, it was sex." She went suddenly pale, and then blushed a deep red. "It wasn't sex _every time _you were screaming, was it?"

"No!" Elena yelled. She was thrilled just to be able to get a word in edgewise. "It wasn't sex then, and it wasn't sex last night. We're together, but we aren't...we haven't...we're taking it slow."

That sent Damon into another round of uncontrollable laughter. Jenna picked up a pillow and chucked it at him. He caught it and clutched it to his chest while he tried to stop laughing. She looked back to her niece. "Fine. But if your _boyfriend _is going to sleep over here, you need to _swear _to me that you will not be having sex with him in this house. If you scream at night, I want to be _sure _it's just your nightmares."

Elena nodded eagerly. She was willing to promise just about anything if it kept Jenna at a reasonable volume. "Okay. I swear. But just to be clear, you're saying you'd rather I was having terrifying nightmares than safe and consensual sex?"

"Damn straight, at least while you're under this roof!" Jenna took a deep breath, and Elena steeled herself for more yelling. But instead, Jenna looked at Damon. "Damon, please keep in mind that Elena is seventeen years old, and if you hurt her, I will take great joy in having you killed."

She didn't see Elena flinch, but Damon did, and it stopped his laughter immediately. "She's got nothing to worry about from me," he said seriously.

"Good," Jenna said. She looked back and forth between Elena and Damon, and then she headed for the door. "It's not even eight in the morning, and I already feel like I need a martini. Taking care of teenagers is gonna turn me into an alcoholic," she said, more to herself than to them. She slammed the door behind her.

Elena sat back down on the bed next to Damon. "You know that all could have been avoided if you'd used your super vampire hearing to hear her coming, right?"

He rolled his eyes. "I was _asleep, _Elena. I don't do it a lot, but when I do, it's one of the few moments when I can be surprised. You should feel honored, actually. I don't sleep around many people. Trust issues."

"I do feel honored," she admitted. "I like that you can relax around me. And I don't even mind that she caught us, since it made you laugh like that." She got up again and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Damon followed. "So, what's on the schedule for today? I'm guessing you have school."

She nodded. "Half day for finals. But afterwards, I want to do something that you're not gonna like." She didn't miss the way he tensed up. He knew her well. "I think we need to go see Katherine."

**Yes, it seems I have not lost my taste for bitchy cliffhangers. Want to know what happens _before _Christmas? Review!**


	9. Destiny Gets Nervous

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: Okay, I know this is short for how long you've waited for it. But that's because I was typing it and I was up to nine pages before I felt comfortable stopping. So it had to be split into two chapters. As for how long it took...my apologies. My computer got a nasty virus that prevented me from opening anything (like my internet...or my word processor...or my antivirus). It was a devious little bastard. I ended up having to completely reformat to get rid of it, and then I spent the next couple of weeks doing a ton of baby-hacker tricks to get everything on my hard drive back. So yes, the next chapter is almost ready to go, so you won't have to wait so long again.**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Nine: Destiny Gets Nervous

"We need to see _Katherine?"_ Damon repeated, eyes wide in shock. _"Why _in the name of all that is good and just in this world do you want to see Katherine?"

Elena made sure to brush her teeth very thoroughly, taking extra time so she could organize her thoughts so they would make sense to him. Finally, she spit out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth out. "Okay, you said that vampire last night couldn't have been much more than fifty years old, right? But he still knew that Katherine was important enough to Klaus, even now, that he'd want her back."

"Yeah, so what?" he asked, shrugging. "The guy's pissed and he wants revenge. I get that."

"But that's the thing!" Elena exclaimed, getting excited now. "It's been over five hundred years. That's half a freaking millennium, Damon! Holding grudges isn't easy, especially when you don't see the person for that long. When was the last time you heard of someone holding a grudge like that just because an evil plan didn't work out?"

He moved out of her way so she could get to her closet. As she rifled through her clothes, trying to choose an outfit for the day, he replied, "I don't know. I held a grudge against Stefan for a hundred and forty five years, and I probably could have reached five hundred if you hadn't gotten in the way."

Elena bit the inside of her cheek so she wouldn't smile at that. "Exactly. You held on to a grudge for so long because you loved Katherine. The main driving force behind all that hatred was your love for her. Think about it. Do you really think he's still so angry about not being able to break the curse that, five hundred years later, he's _still _training all the vampires he makes to be able to recognize her and try to bring her back to him?"

Damon could definitely see where her mind was going, and now that he thought about it, the idea seemed more likely than not. "So you think Klaus loved Katherine. And that's why he's still after her."

"It's the only explanation that makes sense to me," she confirmed. She pulled the clothes she wanted off of their hangers and then stepped into her closet. She closed the door most of the way, but left it open a crack so that they could continue their conversation.

"It's a good theory. But do you really think Klaus still has enough humanity in him to be able to love someone else?"

"I might have said the same thing about you once," Elena countered. She was glad he couldn't see her, or the resulting blush, when she said that. They hadn't said anything about love yet. She didn't want to broach that subject too early and jinx anything. But Damon's response glossed over any potential awkwardness.

"_Touche, _Miss Gilbert." Damon rolled his eyes. "Fine, we'll get some lunch and then go see Katherine after your finals. Okay?"

"Sounds good! And does lunch count as a second date?" Elena asked. She slowed down, taking her time getting ready. It was amazing, the protection her closet offered her. If he could see her, he'd know just by the look on her face why she was asking.

"If you want it to. Why?" he asked, a smirk forming at the corner of his lips. She _had _said that she wouldn't be putting out after a first date. But if this was going to be a _second _date...

"No reason!" she called back, her voice coming out a little bit higher than she meant it to. _Damn._ If he hadn't guessed why she had asked, he certainly would after that. A second date meant he'd be stepping up his attempts at seduction, and Elena didn't have a whole lot of faith in her ability to take it slow with him. "And yes, I'd love to go on a second date with you."

Damon's smirk turned into a full-blown smile when he heard the squeak in her voice. Yes, they were definitely on the same page. "I think I'm going to go help Jenna make breakfast. Maybe it'll earn me some points."

Elena laughed. "Couldn't hurt."

* * *

Breakfast flew by with surprisingly little drama. It would take a while before Jenna would cheer on their relationship, but she wasn't going to complain after he'd saved her from cooking. As for Jeremy, he got along so well with Damon that it worried Elena a little. Maybe it was just her, but she thought it would take a while longer for _her_ to forgive someone who had killed her. But Jeremy was relaxed and seemingly comfortable, so Elena decided not to question this rare moment of peace.

Damon offered to drop her and Jeremy off at school, but she decided to drive. She did, however, agree to let him pick her up, after checking that her brother would be able to take her car home. He nodded and went to go wait in the car while she lingered behind with Damon.

"You're not rethinking things?" he asked, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

The question made Elena pause. It wasn't because she had started to reconsider, but because it had never even occurred to her to do so. Now that she'd started something with Damon, she didn't want it to stop. It felt good and natural and even strangely easy. The only thing she didn't like about it was that it was hurting Stefan. But then, her relationship with Stefan had hurt Damon. There was no way to win on that issue. "No," she answered. "Not even a little bit. Why? Do you think I should be? Are you...rethinking?"

"Of course not! But I _did _kill a guy on our first date, and then we slept together, in the not quite as fun way. All that might give some people cause for a little concern. But if you're sure..." He leaned in to kiss her.

She put her hand on his chest, stilling him momentarily. "Wait! I'm not sure if Jeremy knows yet. Shouldn't I tell him myself?"

"I think Jenna screaming at us this morning _might _have tipped him off," Damon replied. He winked at her and then leaned forward anyway to give her a quick kiss on the lips. "And if he was too slow to catch on then, he _definitely _knows now."

Elena smiled. Sure, he had just revealed their relationship to one of the only people in her life who might not have known about it yet. But he'd done it with a sweet, almost innocent kiss, instead of a full on make-out session. It broke the news to her brother in the gentlest way possible. If he hadn't gotten it from Jenna. She wanted to thank him for handling it that way, but she couldn't think of a way to phrase it that wouldn't end with him rolling his eyes at her. So instead, she smiled at him and asked, "See you after school?"

"Of course. Now go kick some ass on your finals."

She started to pull away from him, then returned to kiss him once more. It lasted a few seconds longer than the previous kiss, but it wasn't anything that would cause Jeremy to gag. "Later!"

Elena got into the car and shut the door behind her. Jeremy was looking at her like he was trying to figure something out. She didn't mind. She expected him to be looking at her like she'd gone insane. Or, worse, like she'd betrayed him. But instead, it was like he was fitting puzzle pieces together. "What?" she asked him. She had started the car and pulled out of the driveway, beginning the drive to school, before he answered.

"Your dreams. You never told me who they're about. But I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say it's Damon."

"You would be right," she admitted. She didn't know what to say to Jeremy. How could she explain away that the guy she was dating had _killed _him? She couldn't even make herself understand how she'd come to forgive Damon, to trust him again. How was she supposed to explain that to her brother? "I'm s-"

"Don't say you're sorry," Jeremy cut her off. "If your dreams are pushing you this hard to do things you'd normally talk yourself out of, there has to be a reason. And I don't mean some outside force fucking with your head. You want Damon, and your brain is screaming at you to accept that. I just want you to be happy. You don't have to apologize to me for that."

"But he killed you," Elena said in a very small voice.

"No, _he woke me up." _Jeremy took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts so he could release Elena from any guilt she felt over this. "I don't remember Vicki's death, but I remember who I was before she died, and I can guess the state I was in when he compelled me. My life was spiraling out of control, and even if she hadn't died, I would have been headed somewhere really bad. You never would have been able to help me. I'm not happy my mind was violated, but I know he didn't have to shove me back on the right track like that. I read that in your diary. And when he killed me...I wanted to die anyway. I wanted to die because I'd just lost someone I loved _again _and only actually dying could have made me see that I wanted to live. So I'm not holding a grudge." He thought for another moment, then added, "Now, if I'd stayed dead, then you could hate him forever. But since I didn't, I have to say, I actually kind of like him. He's fun. And he makes you fun too. You could do worse."

Elena had to blink back tears. Jeremy was so open and accepting, not to mention far more understanding than she had any right to expect. She wasn't sure if she'd ever treasured him more. She was so proud of the person he'd become. But she couldn't tell him that, not without sounding patronizing. Instead, she looked over to him and told him, "I talked to Bonnie last night. I might have told her that it was not at all an issue that she likes you and that she should stop freaking out about it."

Jeremy stared out the window, but he couldn't hide his smile. "You're the best sister ever."

"Yeah, well, you're the best brother ever. I'm just trying to keep up."

**Feedback feeds the ravenous muse...**


	10. Some Things Never Do Change

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: This chapter has been brought to you by...the flu. I could post it so early today because when I went into work today, they listened to me coughing up a lung for ten minutes and then sent me right back home. So you guys can benefit! Enjoy!**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Ten: Some Things Never Do Change

Elena had two finals that day: history and math. She'd have two finals a day for three days, and then she could look forward to winter break. Also, she knew they would be her second-to-last finals of her high school career, which was definitely a nice thought.

Her history final was almost a breeze. It _would _have been a breeze, except for the whole period, she could feel Stefan's gaze burning a hole in the back of her head. It was a real treat, trying to write an essay on the witch hunts in Europe – Salem would have been too easy, and Elena was almost _sure_ Alaric had focused on European witch hunts because he knew about Bonnie's lineage and didn't want to give them an unfair advantage – while feeling like Stefan's eyes were crawling all over her back. Every time she turned to look at him, he'd conveniently have his head bent over the test. He put on a good show of having to think about his answers, but she knew he'd be looking at her again as soon as she turned back to her own work. Still, she finished the test, and she felt pretty good about it.

Math went as well as could be expected, given that it was _math._ It had never been her strong point, but she thought she passed it. She definitely didn't ace it, but she wouldn't have to retake the class either. She hated math, but it was a welcome break from Stefan and the way he kept switching between the hurt puppy dog look and glaring at her like she'd killed his brother, instead of choosing to date him.

Finally done with her test, Elena rushed out of the school to the parking lot, scanning the area for Damon's car. Her eyes picked it out easily. One of the many benefits of having a car like _that. _She rushed over, eager to see him and go on their second date.

She climbed into his car and leaned over to greet him with a kiss. He returned the kiss with enthusiasm, his hand automatically reaching up to cup her face. It was only after they'd pulled away from each other that Elena realized how easy and natural that had felt. She didn't even have to _try _to be with Damon. Once she'd accepted that it was something that was worth investigating, she'd fallen into it so completely that it felt like they'd been in a happy, loving relationship for months, maybe _years,_ instead of days.

She sat back in her seat and buckled herself in, still pondering why Damon felt so much more _right _for her than Stefan. Maybe it was her brain and how it had been torturing her. Maybe it was because he wasn't carrying around so many secrets, right from the beginning. The only thing he was keeping from her was one memory. She'd been on and off with Stefan for over a year, and she was pretty sure he _still _had a closet full of skeletons he was hiding from her. Or maybe it was because they had been friends first. Whatever it was, it shifted her decision a little closer to Damon. She was still far from sure either way, but every moment she spent with Damon, he seemed to rack up more points in his favor. And for some reason, Stefan couldn't seem to realize that his behavior was just making it easier for her to choose his brother.

"Ace your tests?" Damon asked, only a hint of teasing in his voice. He started the car and began to drive.

"History yes, math no," Elena responded. "So, where are we going for date number two?"

"Our destination for date number two will be..." He paused in the most dramatic fashion he could, and then finished, "The Grill. The next dinner date gets the fancy restaurant. Lunch dates get casual restaurants."

"Why are lunch dates always casual?" Elena asked. "I never got that."

Damon smirked. "It's because no one goes home and has sex after _lunch._ Dinner, however..." he trailed off.

She blushed deeply, making him smirk even more. "Well, that explains a lot. Anyway, I don't object to the Grill. Just don't be too shocked if every single person I know happens to be there and decides to drop in on our date," she warned him.

"Well, doesn't 'every single person you know' already know about us by now? Even _I'm _shocked at the lack of secrecy."

"I don't think Matt does yet," she replied. "And maybe not Tyler either. But no, I'm not keeping any of this a secret. Like I said, I'm not sneaking around. I have a choice to make, and I won't have it based on secrets and lies. I want to know what it's like to be with you, out in the open. I don't want to try it in secret because when I pick you, I don't intend to live the rest of my life in secret. Well, not that way at least."

"You didn't say 'if,'" Damon pointed out, too surprised to keep the thought to himself. His could feel his hopes soaring, no matter how much he tried to keep them under control. She'd slipped and said what she'd _meant, _and she'd said 'when.' _When _she picked him. Not if.

"Hm?" Elena asked, not following his train of thought.

"What? Oh, nothing." Now that he had time to think about it, he didn't want to get into _that _discussion. He was perfectly happy with her Freudian slip. He didn't want her examining it too much and taking the small victory away from him.

It didn't take them long to reach the Grill, and as usual, it was uncrowded enough that they could simply walk in and seat themselves at a table. "Let date number two commence," Damon announced as they slid into their booth. "Now, what exactly do people _do _on date number two?"

"I'm not all that worried about what other people do for date number two," Elena admitted. "But maybe religion and politics, since those are strictly forbidden from the first date." She smiled at him, rolling her eyes a little. She then put on her best serious face. "And speaking of politics, who did _you _vote for in the last election, Damon?"

He laughed. It was mildly ridiculous to him that they were even bothering to attempt normal date conversation, and he knew she felt the same way. But he played along and answered her question honestly. "I've never voted, actually."

Elena's brow furrowed. For some reason, she hadn't expected that. "Not even as a human?"

"No, not even then." When the confusion didn't clear off of her face, Damon explained further. "I wanted to. But I wanted to vote for Lincoln because I was never a supporter of slavery. Which would not have gone over well in my family. So I chose not to vote at all."

She frowned a little. "But you compel people. Isn't that a form of slavery?"

He leaned forward. He could sense that this was an important question for her, and he wanted to answer it fairly. "I compel people in order to feed, which you have to admit is better than killing them. And lately, I haven't even been doing _that_ much. But I don't compel them to do my chores for me. That's just...lazy."

His answer satisfied her. She had a desperate need to make sense of him, but with every small piece of himself he gave her, it got easier and easier for the full picture of his life to come into focus. So she was almost sure she was guessing correctly when she asked, "So you joined the Confederate Army to make your dad happy?"

Damon nodded. "Yeah. But I deserted. And that didn't have as much to do with Katherine as Stefan would have you believe. My fellow soldiers...well, most of them came from families too poor to be very involved in the slavery debate. And the others were like I had started – compromising their own principles to impress their fathers. I didn't want to become as beaten down as they were, so I took a vacation from the war, and then I managed to find one reason after another to not go back. Katherine was just the last."

He waved for a waitress to bring some menus over, but Matt took them from her and brought them himself. He looked back and forth between Elena and Damon, and the look on his face was almost comical. Finally, his gaze settled on Elena, and he simply asked, _"Really?"_

"Really," she replied easily. She wasn't ashamed of the relationship, so she didn't jump to defend herself or justify her actions. Matt would accept it, or he wouldn't. But they'd been friends forever, and he wasn't going to disown her over a choice he didn't approve of. Maybe if he knew Damon was mostly responsible for Vicki's death...Elena had never been so grateful that Matt was still in the dark.

Matt shook his head in defeat. "Whatever," he said, leaving their menus and wandering off.

Damon watched the whole exchange, fascinated. The two of them had been sharing so much more information than they were saying. He was used to that when people were fighting or having sex, but it had been a long time since he'd seen it in a platonic friendship. "Will he get over it?" he asked her. He was a little surprised at himself. What did he care about Matt? The boy clearly didn't like him, and Damon found him to be utterly beneath his notice, only elevated because of the people he was friends with. He studied the feeling until he could understand it, and then he wanted to punch himself in the face.

He didn't want Elena to hurt over the loss of Matt's friendship. Loving her was one thing, but if he had too many more feelings like _that _one, he'd turn into Stefan, and that could _not _be allowed.

"Yeah, he will," Elena assured him. She picked up her menu and studied it. "And thank you...I like that you care about little things like that."

Her thanks chased away his worry instantly, but in its absence caused him to ask one of his more pressing questions before he could think about it. "I still don't really understand why you're doing this," Damon said. He hadn't wanted that to slip out, but his curiosity was driving him crazy. "I mean, I get the dreams pushing you into this. But...you might lose Stefan. If you make up your mind to pick him, he might not be there to pick after this." She looked confused, and he knew it was because he was far too concerned for Stefan's well-being. But it wasn't _for _Stefan. It was for her. "I want you to pick me. You _know _that. But I don't get why you'd risk losing him."

"I was losing _you," _Elena said, the pain in her voice radiating across the table and into him so much that he almost flinched. "You were here, but you weren't, and I didn't realize how important you are to me until I almost lost you. And as for Stefan...I know it seemed perfect, but we have irreconcilable differences. We were great on the everyday stuff, but the big life-changing stuff...we couldn't be more different. And with you...well, maybe we won't be great on the everyday stuff, but maybe we could be okay on all of it."

"What's the big issue?"Damon asked, then quickly added, "I don't mean to pry, but I..." He couldn't finish the sentence. _I want you forever, but if it's gonna end, I'd rather know now so I can batten down the hatches._

"It's okay. I told you I'd be honest with both of you, right?" She looked around the restaurant, making sure there was no one paying too much attention to them. Then Elena looked into Damon's eyes, watching for his reaction, just as she'd watched for Stefan's, and she asked the same question. She'd rehearsed asking Stefan so many times that it even came out phrased the same way. "If I wanted to become a vampire because I wanted to be with you forever, would you change me?"

Damon didn't look like he'd been punched in the stomach, so that was already a major improvement on Stefan's reaction. Instead, he looked like he was considering how to put his answer. Finally, he replied, "I'd want to wait a few years. For one thing, you do _not _want to be a teenager for all eternity, trust me, and I don't want to look like I'm chasing jailbait for all eternity. Also, I'd want the time for you to be sure so you wouldn't regret it. But yes, I would. And now I can see what you mean by irreconcilable differences. I can just imagine what my brother said."

The waitress came then, and they ordered their food and drinks. She took their menus away. Elena started to speak again, but Damon held up one finger. The waitress returned a few seconds later with their drinks. When she left again, Damon gestured for her to speak.

"Yeah, I'm sure you can just hear _exactly _what he said." She took a sip of her soda. "But you get it. You understand why it's something I _need _to consider. And you wouldn't feel guilt for the rest of eternity if you changed me. Not if it was what I wanted. Stefan..."

"It would eat him up inside until the guilt was the only thing left," Damon supplied. Elena nodded, confirming that he'd successfully completed her thought. "And you're right. I get why you have to consider this stuff. But it still surprises me that you've been thinking about it."

"'If you want to be with someone forever, you have to live forever,'" Elena said. "Lexi's boyfriend said that to me. I don't know if you heard it, since he was in the middle of trying to kill you when he said it, but I haven't been able to _stop _thinking about it ever since." She took a deep breath. This discussion went _way _past politics and religion. She decided the conversation definitely needed to be moved to a lighter topic. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves. We haven't even had sex yet, so we definitely can't be talking about eternity. After all, for all I know, you're bad in bed. And I can't be expected to stick around a guy who can't keep me amused." She smiled so he would know that she didn't mean it. She was fairly sure he could have deduced that on his own, but she could never be positive where male egos were concerned.

Damon's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He was so shocked that he almost missed how she had not so subtly changed the subject. Elena had just made a _sex joke. _ At _his _expense, no less. "You _do _realize not only that you will be paying for that later, but that I will be taking it as a personal challenge?" he asked her.

By her blush, he could guess that she hadn't actually thought through what would happen after her comment, but she didn't look scared. She was excited. There was nothing Damon wanted more in the world than to take advantage of that excitement. He couldn't care less how casual lunch dates were supposed to be. It was still the second date and he was, according to her, well within his rights to do his damnedest to get her into his bed. He could have her beggint to take back that little jab in under thirty seconds. Hell, he could have her forgetting her own _name _in under a minute.

But he'd promised that they would go see Katherine. He would have loved to blow it off, and he would have, but it was Elena's life at stake. As much as he wanted her, he would delay if it meant saving her.

"Yeah, didn't really think that through," Elena admitted. She shifted in her seat, suddenly unable to sit still. The way he'd looked at her, like he wanted to throw her over his shoulder, caveman-style, and carry her off to ravish her for hours on end...that look was doing distressing things to her. It was all she could think about, and the more she thought about it, the more turned on she was. And she couldn't _do _anything about it because they were in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

Luckily, their food came at that moment, which didn't entirely derail Elena's thoughts, but it at least distracted her. They took their time eating, and they kept the conversation on light, easy topics. They'd had enough of the serious conversations for one date.

After they were done eating, Damon kept his word and took her to the tomb to see Katherine. He led the way, but when they got close enough, he turned to stop Elena. He held one finger over his lips in the universal gesture to be quiet. Clearly, he heard something up ahead that she couldn't. She nodded her understanding, and he continued to lead on, but at a much slower pace. But she was so confused...Damon sensed a reason to be quiet. But he hadn't left her behind to face the threat himself. He would _never _lead her into danger. So what could possibly be up ahead that was not dangerous, but that Damon still felt a need to sneak up on?

They descended into the tomb as quietly as possible, and Elena finally saw what Damon hadn't wanted to interrupt too early. The boulder in front of the tomb was already moved to the side, and Katherine had company.

"_Stefan? _What are you doing here?"

**Yes, I am evil. I am strangely okay with that. Want to know what Stefan's doing in Katherine's tomb? Leave a review and find out faster!**


	11. Men Can Do Terrible Things

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Eleven: Men Can Do Terrible Things

Elena's eyes swept over the scene, making sure to note Katherine's location. Luckily, she was still safely behind the tomb's barrier. Still trapped, but then what was Stefan doing here? Was he trying to release her? Her eyes picked out the water bottle full of blood, so similar to the one she'd brought when she'd visited.

"Seriously, Stefan, what are you doing here?" Elena repeated. She was trying to make some sort of sense out of the scene in front of her, but it just wasn't coming together. She had to be missing something.

"I could ask you the same question," Stefan replied. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest. He couldn't be advertising the theme of 'unwelcome' more strongly if he came out and said it.

Katherine laughed from inside her prison. Clearly, she was enjoying herself. She had a neat little drama to play out in front of her, and she knew she should really try to enjoy the little things during this period of her life.

"Yes, but we asked it first," Damon said, still standing in front of Elena at the tomb entrance. He also hadn't been able to put together what Stefan was doing, and he wouldn't drop his defensive stance until he knew all the facts. "I think that should count for something."

Elena placed her hand on Damon's arm and squeezed gently, trying to soothe him. Stefan wasn't the bad guy. There must be a reasonable explanation, so she would be the bigger person and answer his question so that he could do the same. "We wanted to ask Katherine about Klaus. We think he may have been in love with her, which is why he's still so insane about her now."

"Now what's _your _excuse?" Damon asked. Despite Elena's efforts, he was not soothed. There was something going on here, and he didn't like it. In most things, he trusted Stefan to be a good, if excruciatingly boring, person. But when it came to Elena or Katherine, Stefan was unpredictable. And that made him dangerous.

"We shouldn't have locked her up," Stefan said, glancing at Katherine, as if every other person in the room hadn't already gathered who he was talking about. "It wasn't right. We should have staked her or sent her on her way. But not this."

"So you're keeping her fed and entertained because you feel bad about locking her up?" Damon asked. Leave it to Saint Stefan to pity the psycho. Personally, he was quite happy with locking Katherine up in the tomb and never looking back. It kept her out of the way, ensured Elena's safety, and appealed to his sense of irony. It was the perfect solution. But of course Stefan would have second thoughts. He walked forward again, allowing Elena to proceed as well. Finally, he stood across from his brother outside of Katherine's tomb.

"Oh, there's no need to lie to them, Stefan," Katherine teased. She leaned against the invisible barrier, a cruel smile playing across her lips. It was a smile both brothers remembered well. Nearly a century and a half later, and they were still ensnared in her games. "Tell them why you were really here, darling."

Damon's moment of relaxation was gone, but Stefan's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Katherine picked me," he muttered.

"And so he wanted to know why," Katherine teased. "So he could show whatever I saw in him to Elena and she would pick him too." Her gaze flicked back and forth between Elena and Damon. "It's so damn sappy that I'm thinking I might just have made the wrong choice. But isn't _that _what you want to hear, Stefan?"

"So because she picked you, I will too?" Elena asked, her voice trembling. "Because at the end of the day, we're the same person to you. I'll choose you for the same reason she did, whatever it was. Is that right, Stefan?"

"No, it's..." Stefan started, but Katherine interrupted.

"Yes, it is, but that's not quite enough assurance for him. He also wants me to let go of him and choose Damon. Then he can let me out of here and Damon and I can ride off in the sunset together, a happy little murderous pair." She looked back at Stefan scornfully, but Elena thought she saw a flash of hurt cross her doppelganger's face.

"That would _never _happen," Damon said, looking meaningfully at Elena. He turned her face to him so she could see how much he meant it. _"Never._ You are _not _interchangeable." He glared at Stefan. "My brother should know better."

"I don't know," Katherine drawled. "Every time I see her, I think there's more of myself in her."

"Oh, _shut up,"_ Damon told Katherine. "You and I both know you're only sharing all these fun details to stir up as much trouble as you can from inside your cage. But you did it. You freaked Elena out, embarrassed Stefan, and pissed me off. You're done."

She smiled again. "You're right. Now I just get to sit back and watch the show."

"It's not the way she's making it sound," Stefan said, entreating Elena to see things his way. "Everything was perfect until she showed up. If she and Damon left, we could be happy again."

"Are you _insane?_ I'm not picking you by default, Stefan! Even if you got Damon to leave, that doesn't erase him from my memory. If I want to be with him, I won't change my mind if he's not here. God, I just...I don't understand how you can think of me like that." Elena shook her head. How had they gotten to this point? "Like I'm some little kid that'll just forget her problems if you show her a shiny object. How can you not see that everything you're doing to try to force my decision is just showing me more and more how wrong you are for me?"

Stefan pinned his glare on Damon, but spoke to Elena. "And how can _you _not see that all of this is just Damon trying to take you away from me, just like he's taken everything else he could from me? Just like he's been taking from me since 1864."

"She's not a possession," Damon said softly, earning a smile from Elena.

It was the wrong thing to say. Suddenly, Stefan rushed at him. Damon stepped to the side quick enough to dodge, and the two brothers began circling each other. Elena started forward to get between them, but Damon stopped her. "Don't. Stefan needs to purge. And I don't want you accidentally getting hurt." He refocused on Stefan. "You want to know why it seems I'm always taking from you, brother? It's because you have _everything._ You always have. Everything you ever touched, every person you spoke to, as soon as they met you, they belonged to you completely. And the first thing you do after anyone meets _me _is warn them off, and of course, everyone believes everything you say because you're the _good _brother."

"That's right. I _am _the good brother. I warn innocent people away from you because they tend to _die _around you." Stefan analyzed Damon's movements and looked for a way in, even as they continued to circle. "But you follow me, all the while searching for some new way to hurt me. That's the only reason you want her. That and because she looks like Katherine."

Elena didn't like the way they were sizing each other up. More than that, she didn't like the look on Stefan's face. He looked like he had an advantage that Damon hadn't thought of yet. She inched a little closer to them, being careful to stick close to the wall. Finally, she stood near the barrier to the tomb, where Katherine, true to form, was watching with a pleased smile on her face.

"Wrong again, Stefan," Damon said. "Believe it or not, you couldn't have less to do with it. I want her because..."

"You don't need to justify to him," Elena said coldly, cutting him off. "Let him think what he wants. Let him keep digging himself deeper. All he's doing is making my choice easier."

"I won't let you take her from me," Stefan growled at Damon. It was like he wasn't hearing a word Elena said, since he was so determined to demonize Damon.

"I'm not _taking _anyone. She's making her own choices." He almost stopped in his tracks, but he couldn't stop moving. Not when Stefan was still poised to attack. "And that's the real problem, isn't it? It's like it is with the human blood. Just like you never learned to control yourself, you never learned how to deal with not being picked. And why would you? You've been picked every single time. So you don't know how to deal with even the _idea _that someone might actually want me for once." Damon looked back at Elena, slightly behind him. "Bet this wasn't the information you thought you'd learn today."

Stefan roared in frustration and changed forward again, catching Damon in his moment off guard. He pushed him as hard as he could, hoping he'd chosen the right moment to take care of his Damon problem for good.

Damon found himself traveling backward, suddenly airborne from the force of Stefan's attack. "No!" Elena screamed, and then he was tackled from the side. He hit the wall and was crushed momentarily between the stone and Elena, before they both fell to the ground, Elena on top. He looked back to see where he'd hit and why Elena had thrown herself at him.

He'd hit the stone doorway into the tomb. Katherine stood at the barrier, her eyes excited and hungry. Stefan had tried to push him into the tomb, knowing it was a one way trip. And it would have worked, too, except that Elena had thrown her body into his, altering his trajectory so he hit the wall instead of flying into the tomb. He dropped his head back onto the ground. That was a _very _close call.

Elena sat up and whipped her gaze over to Stefan, who was looking both frustrated and slightly regretful. But did he regret trying to entomb his brother, or that it hadn't worked? "What is _wrong _with you?" she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"He'll destroy you," Stefan told her. "Just like he destroys everything else. I only want you to be happy and safe."

"Oh, so you don't think Damon can protect me? You don't think I'd know if I was unhappy? You don't want that for me. You want me to be happy and safe on _your _terms. With you." She slowly climbed off of Damon. She'd slammed herself into him so hard, she was sure she was going to be sore later. Though she was sure he didn't need it, she reached out a hand to help him up. He took it, and she pulled him to his feet.

"It's impossible to be safe with Damon. You used to know that," Stefan said, his anger reigniting itself as he watched his brother and his ex girlfriend pat dirt off of themselves and each other.

"Well, you used to know that there's more good in him than bad. You also used to know that I'm not _anyone's _replacement Katherine." She looked over to the vampire she'd just mentioned. "Did we put on a good enough show for you?"

Katherine smiled. "Would have been better if you'd been so kind as to let at least one of my boys keep me company. But it was definitely the most exciting day this week."

"Glad we could amuse you," Damon muttered.

"And now that we have, how about you answer the question? Klaus. One of your many admirers?" Elena asked. She couldn't help glancing every few seconds back to Stefan. She couldn't trust any longer that he wouldn't make another move against Damon. Just being around him was making her feel twitchy. It took her a few long moments to realize what that feeling was. She hadn't felt frightened of him since he'd gone on his human blood binge. But she was now.

Katherine considered for a long moment, but finally answered, "A reluctant admirer, yes. He didn't want to fall in love with me because he intended to kill me. Of course, that was exactly the reason I tried so hard to make him feel. I wouldn't be surprised if it worked. You may have noticed that I have something of a way with men." She smiled at Stefan, who clenched his jaw and looked away. Even covered in dirt and grime from the tomb, Katherine was still breathtaking. Even Elena could see that.

Elena reached out her hand for Damon's, never taking her eyes off of Katherine. After a second, she felt his cool fingers interlace with hers. "I noticed that you break your toys."

"And you don't?" Katherine nodded to Stefan, who was now staring at their hands and looking lost and angry.

"Damon," Elena said in a shaky voice. "Get me out of here."

There was a second where no one moved, and then she was suddenly in Damon's arms and being taken elsewhere at vampire speed. He didn't stop until they were back at the car, only a few moments later. She got in, and it was only once the doors were safely closed and locked, and he was in the seat beside her, that she started to cry.

Damon gathered her into his arms and allowed her to soak his shirt. "Shh...Elena. You're okay. No need for the waterworks."

"But he almost locked _you _in there!" she wailed. "How could he do that? It's like I don't even know him anymore."

"He's never had to deal with coming in second place," he said, reiterating his point from earlier. "I've been doing it my whole life, so I can do it with some semblance of grace and style. Stefan...well, he says _I _always get what I want, but as you can see..."

"He's acting like a spoiled child. Which would be fine, except he's ready to entomb you forever to get you out of his way." She shook her head, her hair falling into her eyes and sticking to her wet cheeks. "I'm not worth that."

"Oh, no, I won't be getting into _that _argument with you today," Damon teased. "But I will say that my being locked in there would probably be detrimental to your safety, so no, Stefan's not thinking things through."

"Let's get out of here," Elena suggested suddenly. "Just...out of Mystic Falls. For a day or two. I just need some time when I'm not constantly being harassed about us or brought down by everyone else's drama. And I _really _need some time away from Stefan."

Damon was sorely tempted to take her up on her offer. A couple days with Elena all to himself without the possibility of Aunt Jenna interrupting sounded like pure bliss. But as soon as he even started to think of possible destinations, reality set in. "How about after finals? You still have two more half days of school left, right? We can leave right after your last final if you want."

"Ugh, two days is just _way _too long," Elena said, wiping the tears away from her eyes. She had gotten herself under control again, but Stefan's actions still hurt. She knew none of this would have happened if she could just have been sure about him, but now that she knew he was capable of that sort of betrayal, she didn't know if she could _ever _be sure about him again.

"Elena, I _know _you want to get me alone so you can have your way with me, but you can't skip out on finals. A regular school day, sure, but not finals."

"Yeah, okay, I'll be mature and responsible," Elena muttered. "And here I thought you were supposed to be a corrupting influence."

Damon pulled her closer and placed a kiss on the top of her head before he released her and started the car to drive her home. "We have plenty of time for me to corrupt you. I'm sure we'll get around to it sooner or later."

She laughed and settled back in her seat to think. She _wanted _to choose Damon. Every day, the choice she should make became more clear to her. Damon understood her. He was fun, and she loved spending time with him. He would support her choice for the future. And he _needed _to be chosen so much it made Elena hurt for him. Add that to how Stefan was methodically chipping away at everything she loved about him, and she felt like she should be singing Damon's name from the rooftops.

But for some reason, she couldn't. Not yet. There was some small, niggling feeling in the back of her head that wouldn't let her choose for sure. But it was elusive. Every time she tried to examine it, to figure out _why _should couldn't bring herself to make her choice, it squirmed away from her. No matter how much she thought about it, her mind refused to go there. It was driving her crazy.

Why couldn't she just choose Damon and be done with it?

**Author's Note: I'll be honest; I'm not feeling as confident about this chapter as I usually do, but I couldn't tweak it any farther, and I wanted to get you something, so here it is. Want to know how to help with self-confidence issues? Review!**


	12. Leaving Town's Gonna Set Us Both Free

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. And, since I have, up to this point, always given credit to Something Corporate for chapter titles, I'll also say that this particular title comes from Andrew McMahon's _other _band, Jack's Mannequin**

**Author's note:** **Author's Note: Apologies for how long this took. Once again, I had nearly ten pages written before I realized it would have to be split in two. Anyway, hope this little bit of fluff will hold you over until I can get the next one out. I decided to make this one sweet and fluffy because of how intense the last one was. Also, many of you had guesses as to why Elena can't officially make her choice yet. A few people were close, and one person actually got it right...but I'm not saying who because that would just take the fun right out of it. Anyway, enjoy!  
**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Twelve: Leaving Town's Gonna Set Us Both Free

The next two days dragged by for Elena. She was so excited to get away for a couple of days with Damon. Every minute that she had to be sitting in class for her finals, or dodging Stefan and his various attempts at apologizing, felt like an hour. She just really needed some time away from everyone's scrutiny about her relationship. Not to mention Stefan, whom she could barely look at without feeling her anger boil up.

Bonnie caught up to her while she was walking to her English class, where she would take her last final of the semester. They had the class together. Bonnie linked her arm with Elena's and the two walked toward the building.

"Hey, so Jeremy and I are trying to get a group together to go to the Grill tonight and celebrate our temporary freedom. You in?" Bonnie asked. Before Elena could respond, she added, "You can bring Damon if you want."

"Thanks for the invite, but we're actually heading out of town as soon as I get out. Just for a couple days. We need some time to de-stress after the other day," Elena replied.

"Why? What happened the other day?"

She couldn't believe she hadn't told Bonnie yet. In all of the insanity with finals and the excitement about the mini-vacation, she'd totally spaced on telling her best friend. Her best friend who also had dealings with her highly unpredictable ex-boyfriend. She glanced around to make sure no one was listening, and then she quickly summarized the events of the tomb for Bonnie.

"Oh my...wow. How could he _do _that?" Bonnie could barely think around the shock. Stefan was her _friend. _It was hard to wrap her mind around how jealous he was.

Elena stared at her, raising an eyebrow. She was trying _so _hard not to comment, but Bonnie got the meaning behind the look.

"Okay, yes, I know I've had my fair share of attempts at killing Damon. And you won't hear me apologizing for...most of them. But that's just the thing, Elena. I would just kill him. Caging him would be so much worse, especially for someone like Damon. Stefan knows that better than I do." Bonnie shook her head, unable to express her disappointment. "You can imagine how much I hate saying this, but you can't choose Stefan. Not after this. You just...you can't."

"I know," Elena replied. Coming to that realization had hurt in a way that was almost unbearable, but she'd gotten there days before Bonnie had. And it wasn't letting go of Stefan himself that was so hard. It was letting go of the idea of him and the fantasies of their future. Shifting her entire world view wasn't easy, but it was something that Stefan's actions had practically forced. "I'm not going to be with him. I know that."

Her friend nodded, accepting. "And Damon?"

Elena hesitated. She didn't want Bonnie to judge her, but she couldn't _not _tell her best friend what was in her heart. "The truth? I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with him."

Ever full of surprises, Bonnie just nodded again. "Yeah, I figured as much. So he's the one?"

Elena wanted to say yes. She wanted to tell Bonnie that she was going to be with Damon and that she could not be more sure about that choice. But something in her just _wouldn't let her._ "I can't even tell you how much I want to say yes. But..." She struggled for words, trying to find exactly what to say to express that feeling in the back of her mind. All she could come up with was, "I need to be sure. Like, one hundred percent sure. Because, you know, when I started out with Stefan, I wasn't looking for all of this. Just a boyfriend to maybe see me through high school. With Damon...well, I'm going into it with my eyes wide open, and I'm signing up for a whole lot longer than that. So I need to be sure. But I can't be a hundred percent. I'm stuck around ninety."

Bonnie used their linked arms to pull Elena to a stop and then let go of her. "You said you're signing up for longer. Elena...are you..." She looked away from Elena and swallowed down the swell of emotion that was hitting her. "Are you thinking about turning?" she whispered

"How can I not?" Elena replied, tears in her eyes. She'd already tortured herself on this subject repeatedly. And one of the biggest issues she'd come across was whether Bonnie would keep speaking to her if she turned. "If I love him, I can't leave him alone. Not if I have the means to stay. It'd be cruel. And look at Caroline. Once she got herself under control, pretty much the only thing different about her is that now she drinks blood."

"I just hate to think of what you'd be giving up. What about kids?"

"I'm not having kids," Elena answered immediately. "Why should I? So another doppelganger could pop up in five hundred years and be hunted and killed on the whims of a few ancient vampires? No. Katherine's line ends with me. If Jeremy wants the Gilbert line to continue, let _him_ have the kids."

"You've been thinking about this for a long time, haven't you?" Bonnie asked.

"I've had to. It's something that crosses my mind from time to time, when I realize my boyfriend will never die. But Damon's not pushing me into it. He'll back whatever decision I choose. In fact, he won't turn me until he's sure I won't regret it. A few years, at least." She wanted to keep talking to Bonnie, but the final warning bell rang, informing them that they should be in class within a minute to avoid being marked tardy.

Bonnie sighed and inclined her head toward the classroom. "Shall we?"

* * *

Elena left the school nearly at a run. The longer she sat in class after finishing her English final, the more she realized how desperately she _needed _to be elsewhere. She couldn't have been more grateful that Damon was removing her from Mystic Falls for a couple of days. In truth, he could probably kidnap her for her entire break and she wouldn't mind.

She ran to his car as soon as she spotted it. She climbed in and, just like a few days before, greeted him with a brief kiss. She pulled away and buckled her seat belt. "Oh my god, please, _please _get me out of this town!"

"What happened?" Damon asked, concerned eyes scanning Elena for any physical signs of stress.

"Nothing. I'm just excited to get a couple days alone with you where I don't have to worry about everything else in the entire universe," she assured him. It was the truth. The stress of her life was weighing on her. Not surprising, considering she was the target of the world's oldest vampire, and he might very well take several, maybe even all of her friends down with her. If she could get just a couple days away from _that, _she'd be a much happier person.

"Then let's get you out of here," Damon said, shifting the car into gear and pulling out of the lot.

Elena glanced in the back to make sure that the bag she'd packed for the trip was still there. It was, alongside Damon's slightly smaller black bag. "Where are we going?"

"We're discovering what you find when you explore outside your own little bubble," he replied.

It didn't take him long to start driving north on one of the main roads in town. "Seriously, Damon, I've been on this road a thousand times. I know where it goes."

Damon rolled his eyes. "Sure you do. You know it goes to that place that sells pumpkins around Halloween. But have you ever been past that?"

Elena started to say that she had, _of course _she had, she'd lived in Mystic Falls her entire life, and she knew the town like the back of her hand, but she realized that she had no idea what was past that farm with the pumpkins. There could be anything from a military base to a hippie colony out there and she wouldn't know it.

"So what's out there?" she asked.

He shrugged, smiling a little. "I guess you'll just have to see for yourself." The happy expression dropped from his face as he asked, "So, how has Stefan been treating you?"

"Nope," she answered immediately.

Damon gave her a confused look. "You know, that wasn't really a yes or no question."

"Stefan is just one of the many reasons I want to be out of town and alone with you for a while. Bringing him and his issues with us kind of defeats the point. So Stefan can stay back in Mystic Falls. Wherever we're going, it's just you and me."

For one second, Damon really wanted to just say 'screw it' and tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to ignore all of his determination to be sure she wanted to hear it and all of his surety that she would still ultimately pick Stefan, despite recent events. Stefan had definitely messed up when he'd tried to lock him in the tomb, but what was one mistake compared to the mountain Damon had made, just since he'd met Elena? But he couldn't do it. He needed to _know _she was going to choose him before he could tell her. So he covered up the sudden urge as well as he could. "Really? That's the reason? Here _I _thought it was just because you wanted to get me alone to have your wicked way with me."

"Well, there's that too," Elena admitted.

Damon grinned and hoped she wasn't bluffing. He imagined he'd find out soon enough.

It took them half an hour before Damon pulled over to the side of the road. There wasn't a building in site, and they hadn't seen another car for quite a while. Taking in Elena's worried look, he assured her, "This isn't where we're going. But I thought you'd like to see something here."

Elena shrugged and stepped out of the car. The only thing she could see that differed this stretch of road from the last few miles was a weathered sign that simply said 'The Falls.' Large trees lined both sides of the road, as they had for the past ten minutes of the drive. They had to be going through a forest, but those weren't so uncommon in that part of the country, so she thought nothing of it.

Damon took her hand and pulled her to the trees. Once she got close enough, she saw a path through them, leading down a hill into the forest. She tilted her head. She could hear water, but she couldn't see it through the trees.

He stepped onto the path first. It was a little steep, but his sure feet found the way easily, and from watching him, Elena knew where to step to avoid falling. They'd only walked for about a minute when it became clear to her why he had brought her here.

A river flowed through the forest, and a cliff rose on the other side of it, just a few inches shorter than the trees, which had blocked it from view from the road. A waterfall ran over the edge of the cliff, pounding into the river. A path of rocks led across the water to a boulder that sat a few feet away from the waterfall.

"I wanted to have lunch right there," Damon said, pointing out the boulder. "I figured we could pack a few things and bring them here. You have to admit, it'd be a great view."

"So why didn't we do that?" Elena asked, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the water.

He smiled. "My practical side won out. It's winter. If you got splashed by the water, you'd be freezing. So we can save it for summer, if you want to."

"Of course I want to! This place is beautiful." Elena put her arms around him and raised her lips to his for a kiss. When she pulled away, she looked back at the waterfall. "Is this what you meant by exploration?"

"Partly," he replied. "But the place we're staying is the rest of it."

Elena knew that wasn't the whole truth. She had to step out of her 'little bubble,' as he put it, just to be with him. Observing the beauty of the waterfall, just a few yards away from the road, and standing in the embrace of the only person who would have thought to bring her here, she had to admit, exploration had its perks.

**Hm...where could he possibly be taking her? Any guesses? I'll give you a hint: Damon knows of the _strangest_ places...**


	13. Step Into My Quiet Violence

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: **** Okay, so I realized that there may be some similarities in this chapter, and the next, to the promo for the upcoming episode. However, I will say that this idea was conceived months before I saw the promo. The place Damon takes Elena is based on a real place of the same name in Lake Hughes, CA. You can even google it if you're inclined. It's awesome, and my experiences there made me want to give Damon and Elena a chance to enjoy it as well. So any resemblance to upcoming episodes is purely coincidental. However, I _did_ rush to finish this chapter so that I would have it out before the new episode.**

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Thirteen: Step Into My Quiet Violence

After they got back into the car, Damon and Elena passed a huge reservoir that she'd had no idea was there. She guessed it might be the water for the town, but she'd never questioned where it came from. After they'd driven around that, Damon finally turned off of the road that had started back in Mystic Falls. The street he'd turned on to had such a silly name that it had Elena giggling for a few minutes.

"Spunky Canyon Road?" she asked, barely able to breathe through her laughter. "Seriously? Who gets to name these roads?"

"Oh, that's nothing compared to some of the streets we're coming up on. If you think _this _is funny, you'll love what's up ahead," Damon told her.

He was glad she was laughing again. Things were usually so dire that seeing her laugh had been rare since they'd been together. He knew, though he could hardly believe it, that she was always happy when she was with him. But she still had very little occasion to laugh, and he was glad he could give her something to laugh about, even if it was a few ridiculous street names.

They drove west around the reservoir, then turned north again and up a twisting mountain road. He took the turns faster than the signs recommended, but slower than he would have if he were alone in the car. Once they came down off the mountain, they began to pass through a town so small that it made Mystic Falls look like a bustling city.

As Damon had promised, there were some extremely interesting street names here. "The Old Dirt Road?" Elena asked, reading the sign as they passed it. "What? Someone saw an old dirt road and couldn't think of anything else to name it?"

"Why do you think there are so many College Streets and Airport Boulevards? There's something to be said for a little truth in advertising." He nodded to an upcoming street. "Wanna take a detour onto The Heavenly Way?"

"No, I'd prefer to stay right here with you," Elena shot back.

Damon grinned. She was quick; he had to give her that. "Good one."

Her eyes widened at the next street they passed. "Are you _kidding _me?" she gasped. "Back up! I need a picture of that because no one is going to believe that's actually a street name unless I have proof."

Damon looked behind him at the abandoned street, then backed up a few feet so Elena could snap a picture of the sign with her cell phone. "Up Old Yonder Road.," she muttered. "I can just imagine the conversation that gave that street its name. 'Where is it?'" she asked in a high pitched voice. She then dropped her voice a few octaves and answered in a deep southern accent, "'Why, it's up old yonder road, little lady.'"

Damon laughed at her antics. She seemed much less tense now that they were away from Mystic Falls. "Well, that gives you an idea of how long this town has been here," he told her, driving forward again.

"It can't be much older than Mystic Falls. It's just...Mystic Falls doesn't have quite so many obvious signs that it's been there so long," Elena observed.

"Despite the town's absolute _obsession _with everything that has to do with the founding." He shook his head. "I was there. It wasn't all that interesting _then, _and a hundred and fifty years hasn't made it any more compelling."

They drove out of that small town then, and they eventually turned off of Spunky Canyon Road onto a road with a name that was nowhere near as silly. They passed a huge lake, another beautiful landmark that Elena had never known about. "We've been driving for nearly an hour and a half, but we've only turned twice since Mystic Falls. How can I possibly not know about all this stuff that was technically only a couple of streets away from me?"

"The place we're going is on this road too, by the way. And the answer is that you didn't know about it because you never _looked._ You thought you were happy with what you had, so you never felt the desire to look any further." Damon honestly hadn't meant this trip to be an analogy for the choice between him and Stefan. But somehow, the topic kept popping up.

A few minutes later, Damon pulled into a dirt lot across from a large stone building. A long line of Harley Davidson motorcycles were parked in front of what the sign above the door claimed to be the Rock Inn. Even from the inside of Damon's car, with the top on and the windows rolled up, Elena could hear the loud classic rock music coming from inside.

"Damon," she said slowly. "Did you bring me to a _biker bar?"_

"Not entirely," he said, his hands raised defensively. He turned off the car and climbed out, grabbing both of their travel bags from the back before he closed his door. "I'd call it a biker-bar-slash-bed-and-breakfast. Oh, and they sometimes do karaoke too."

She raised an eyebrow at him, but chose to trust him and climbed out of the car. "Those concepts seem mutually exclusive."

Damon gave her a chiding look as he locked the doors. "Now, Elena, what have we learned today?"

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered. "Exploration."

"Right. Now, come on. You'll love it, I promise. If nothing else, they make the _best _burgers I've _ever _had And you _know _that's saying something."

He slung both of their bags over one shoulder and held out his hand for her. She took it without hesitation. The scary part was going to be walking into the bar, and she would _much _rather do that while clinging to Damon.

They walked in and were immediately met with various greetings from a few people stationed around the room. The bartender, who looked like he'd refused to accept any fashion changes since the grunge movement, smiled at them and waved. Elena had also heard the voice of the heavily tattooed waitress. The other hellos had come from two tables of bikers, one group looking like they were inching toward retirement, and the other heading toward middle-aged. They were the only customers at the moment, but Elena could tell from the look of the place that it was frequently packed to the limit. The walls were decorated with various amusing signs.

"They're really friendly," Elena said to Damon, quietly and through the tight smile on her face. "Is that normal?"

"Yep," he answered. "Stop worrying. Friendly doesn't necessarily mean evil."

She laughed at that. How twisted had her life become that she was more worried by people who seemed friendly than she was by those who seemed hostile? At least she _knew _the hostile ones were going to be...well, hostile. She felt like she finally understood what people meant when they said that it was the friendly ones they needed to watch out for. Okay, so they said 'quiet' instead of 'friendly,' but still.

Damon gave friendly nods to the two tables of bikers and the waitress, and then walked straight to the bartender, and since Elena's hand was still in his, she walked with him, though her natural inclination was to hover by the door in case she needed to bolt.

"Hey Marty," Damon said to the bartender. "How's business?"

"Never so busy that I don't appreciate your visit," Marty replied, a wide smile stretching across his features. "Long time, no see, Damon. Scotch? Something for your lady friend?" His eyes took Elena in, and she almost thought he was checking her out, right there in front of Damon, until he added, "Strawberry daquiri?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. That was her favorite drink. "Good guess."

"We'll save the drinks until after we've eaten, but I appreciate the offer," Damon told him. "For now though, you got the suite ready for me?"

"Had to reschedule some yuppies, but I don't think they would have had the best time here anyway." Marty reached under the bar and grabbed a couple of keys, which he handed to Elena. "Glad to have you back, my man. See you when you get hungry."

Elena allowed Damon to lead her out of a side door to the right. She was surprised to find a small courtyard. The bathrooms for the bar lined one side. And in case customers didn't immediately see them, a headless scarecrow held a sign pointing the way. Across from the bathrooms was a staircase leading up to five of the Inn's rooms in a separate building that was set so close and in the same style that Elena had thought it was part of the same structure. But Damon took her to the staircase that ran up the side of the bar they'd just exited. The keys she'd been given fit into the door at the top of the stairs.

To her surprise, the room took up the entire top floor of the bar. She finally let go of Damon's hand so she could explore the accommodations, while he dropped both of their bags by the bed. "Be right back," he told her, and then disappeared out the door, shutting it behind him.

She took the time alone to look around the room. There was a full kitchen available and ample seating in what she took to be the living area near the door. A set of French doors separated the living area from the bedroom, which was dominated by a huge four poster bed. A fireplace sat in the corner of the bedroom, a pile of wood next to it, ready for them to use if they wished. Elena checked the nightstands, as she always did in hotel rooms, to see if they _really _put a Bible in every hotel room in the United States. To her surprise, she didn't find one. That was a first.

From there, she went into the bathroom and nearly drooled. There was a gigantic jacuzzi tub. Definitely big enough for two people to do any number of enjoyable things in.

"I know that look. You're having the _smutty _thoughts again, aren't you?" Damon asked, right in her ear.

Since she hadn't even heard him come in, she shrieked and leaped away from him, further into the bathroom. She whipped around and saw him, and almost immediately calmed, though she placed her hand over her heart because she could feel how fast it was racing. "Geez, Damon, you scared the shit out of me!"

For his part, Damon was doing his level best not to laugh at her. But the corners of his lips twitched, and she could see his amusement in his eyes. "So let me get this straight: when I _try _to scare you, you barely notice. And when I _don't _try, I terrify you." He shook his head. "I used to be so much _better_ at this bad guy thing." He went to go put the cooler of goodies from the blood bank into the fridge, then looked back to her.

"Maybe you're getting soft in your old age," she teased.

"Oh, I assure you, _nothing _about me is soft. Or old." Damon leered at Elena, making sure she caught his full meaning.

Elena stared at him, trying to decide if she would rise to his bait. She _wanted _him; there was no denying that. She'd felt that for so long that, now that they were together, every second that she wasn't touching him in some way felt like she was doing something wrong. But if they actually _did _what she wanted to do, she knew it was a step there was no way back from.

Just like telling him she had feelings for him had been. Just like kissing him had been. Just like telling Stefan about them had been.

Elena didn't regret any of those choices. She couldn't imagine regretting the next one. "Prove it."

**Hm...shall there be smut in the next chapter? I honestly haven't decided yet, but I am taking your opinions into consideration. Want it now? Or is it too soon for them?**


	14. Give Me Something To Believe In

**Disclaimer: Still not mine.**

**Author's Note: I am so sorry this took so long. In truth...writing smut just kinda scares the crap out of me. I read a TON of it, but writing it is a different story. But I know I need to write it so I can grow as an author (and because people love it, and who can blame them?) So that's why this took so long. Opinions were split on whether smut should happen now or in a few more chapters. No one was violently opposed to smut, but there were some very good points that they just might not be ready for it. So...this was my solution.**

Dedication: To my lovely friend Kelly, who betas my smut and makes me feel less terrified of writing it.

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Fourteen: Give Me Something To Believe In

_Prove it._

Later, Damon would marvel at the bravery it must have taken Elena to say those two words. He'd also be quite impressed with his own strength, given that he wasn't inside of her before she could reconsider. But all that would be later.

Damon's immediate reaction to Elena's challenge was to swell so quickly that his pants, which were normally quite comfortable, suddenly felt _very _restricting.

Elena was only a little shocked to find herself suddenly off of her feet and lying on the bed. She kicked off her shoes while Damon peeled off his jacket. And then he was kissing her, and she didn't bother to rethink her decision. But she was afraid he wouldn't take it any farther without more encouragement, so she blindly sought his hand out with hers. Once she found it, she slowly drew it to her breast, hoping that he would take it from there.

Damon didn't let her down. He immediately started massaging her breast, his fingers unerringly finding her nipple and tracing light circles around it. Elena arched up into his hand. His fingers felt electric, and that was through her top and her bra. Her mind threatened to blank out when she tried to think of what it might feel like when it was just his skin against hers. Suddenly, she couldn't get her top off fast enough. He helped her pull it over her head, then lingered for just a moment over the front clasp of her bra.

With a quick twist of her fingers, Elena released it herself. She understood why Damon was hesitant with her, but she needed to convince him that she wasn't about to change her mind. At the moment, she could think of nothing she wanted more than him.

His fingers immediately found their way back to her breast, and Elena knew that she had been right. His touch was like magic on her skin. Bolts of pleasure shot straight from where his fingers touched directly to her groin. Damon was taking his time, but his simple touches were driving her out of her mind with the need to have him inside her.

She slid her hand down his body, seeking to give him pleasure as well. She cupped his crotch through his pants, and Damon growled in pleasure. "We won't be fucking right now," he murmured against her lips.

"Right. Making love, of course. I'm good with that," Elena replied breathlessly, too distracted by his hands to watch her words. "Call it what you want, Damon, but I swear, if you don't keep touching me, I might just die."

He chuckled and moved his leg up between hers, pressing it up against her center. She gasped and dug the fingers of her free hand into his arm. "Not what I was talking about, but it's good to know where your mind is," Damon told her. "But I was actually referring to the fact that you haven't eaten since breakfast, and you'll need _all _your energy when we _make love, _as you so beautifully put it." He trailed his hand down her body and unbuttoned her jeans. He slipped his hand under her panties and finally touched her. "But there's no reason we can't take the edge off."

Elena's eyes rolled up in pleasure at his touch, too caught up in the feeling to worry that she might have said too much. She moved her hand off of the bulge in his pants so she could find the button, intent on giving him at least as much pleasure as he was giving her. Unfortunately, she'd never been much good at undoing buttons with one hand, and that was when she had full control of her motor skills, which were disappearing with every second Damon's fingers were working on her. "Damon!" she gasped, her voice nearly squeaking as he pressed his thumb against her clit. "Button!"

He pulled back to look at her, raising an eyebrow. His fingers stilled, but didn't move away from her. "Button? Is that your safety word or something?"

"No! Your pants are in my way! And what did I tell you about stopping?" she snapped.

Damon had to remove his fingers from her in order to make quick work of his button and zipper, but he was back to the task at hand in seconds. Elena used her feet to tug down Damon's pants a few inches and was not at all surprised to discover that he wasn't wearing any underwear. She couldn't see his cock; she was too mesmerized by his face and how good he was making her feel, and it would be an awkward angle anyway, but she could imagine what it looked like as she ran her fingers over it. She could feel that it was long and hard as a rock, and she pictured it to be just as physically flawless as the rest of him.

He gritted his teeth as she wrapped her small hand around his cock. Her thumb swiped at the precum leaking out and used it as lubrication. It had been ages since he'd bothered getting a handjob. He tended not to go for the girls who would have an issue with putting out for a one night stand. After all, why go for the handjob when he could have the whole package? But with Elena, it was all he could do to hold himself back, to make sure he didn't cum just from her touch, at least not before he brought her off.

His fingers explored inside of her, searching out the spot he was pretty damn sure he would be the first to touch. If his instincts hadn't told him he'd found it, her reaction sure would have. Her hand tightened on his cock in a way that almost certainly would have been painful, had he been human. As a vampire, however, it was unbelievable. Her other hand tightened on his bicep. "Damon! Oh my...more!"

Damon was going to cum. He was only seconds away, if that. He pressed two fingers hard into her g-spot, and Elena's universe splintered. Her hips arched up into his hand, and she let out a long, low moan. Still, he didn't let up on her. He kept caressing her, taking her higher and higher until she thought she would pass out from the pleasure. Damon came almost immediately after her, shooting his load onto her stomach. She barely had time to notice its presence on her before he'd grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and cleaned her off. He dropped the tissue in the bedside trash can, then laid down next to her on his side, head resting in his hand so he could watch her as she came back down to earth.

After a few minutes, Elena looked over at Damon. His expression was concerned. "Would you please stop looking at me like you're waiting for me to freak out?"

"Why?" he responded. "Are you _gonna_ freak out?"

"Only if you keep looking at me like I'm about to." She rolled over on to her side and mirrored his position. She caressed the side of his face, smoothing out his worried look. "There. _So _much better."

Damon smiled, which Elena felt was a much better expression to fit his face. "Fine. No freaking out. Hungry?"

Elena sat up and refastened her bra. She'd never actually taken it off, just unhooked it. Actually, they were both remarkably clothed, given what had just happened. Damon was almost fully dressed, missing only his shoes, and his pants had slipped down to his knees. She still had her pants on too, and she only had to figure out where she'd thrown her shirt. "I'm ravenous. Did you say something about their burgers being amazing?"

"I'd say they're orgasmic," Damon replied, raising his eyebrows at her flirtatiously. "But after what just happened, I don't think it'd be right to make such unfair demands on a cheeseburger. But they're good." He pulled her shirt off of one of the posters on the bed and handed it to her. She pulled it over her head while he refastened his pants.

She dug a hairbrush out of her bag and ran it through her hair a couple of times, then looked over to him to see if he was ready to head back down to the bar. She giggled upon seeing him. His hair was stuck up a little in the back, for once not looking as perfect as it usually did. She went over to him and smoothed it down for him. When she started to back away, he grabbed her and kissed her. "Come on," he said, taking her hand. "Let's go get some food into you."

They walked back down into the bar, and the tattooed waitress brought them their menus. "Nice to see you again, Damon. Who's your friend?" the waitress asked.

"Pamela, this is my girlfriend, Elena. Elena, Pamela," Damon said, gesturing between them while making the introduction.

"You're off the market?" Pamela asked, feigning heartbreak. "Oh, my little girl's gonna be just devastated. You know you're her dream man."

"Do I have competition?" Elena asked lightly. She was playing along, but she was still ready to defend her claim on Damon Salvatore. Now that she had him, she wasn't willing to let him go.

"She's six," Damon explained. "Doesn't know better."

"Seven now," the waitress corrected. "Anyway, she still thinks she's in love with you. Of course, she also thinks she's in love with Justin Bieber. Anyway, I'll leave you two a few minutes with your menus." She went over to another table, and Elena looked at Damon.

"Okay, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone here. What is up with this bar? Why does everyone know you, and for that matter, why does it seem like everybody here loves you?"

He gave her a hurt look, but couldn't make himself hold it and slipped back into his smile instead. "What? Are you saying I'm not loveable?"

"Well, sure, you're loveable _now,_ but you were sort of a dick when we met, and it seems like these people have known you for years. So what's the deal?"

"I saved Marty's life," Damon said. Elena looked behind her at the bartender. He was chatting with a woman at the bar, and she was practically glowing from the attention. Damon lowered his voice, then added, "Some baby vamp wanted to make a meal of him, and I took care of it. Marty told everybody I'd scared off a mugger, but he knows what he saw, and he drew his own conclusions."

"Is that why there's no Bible in the room?" Elena whispered back.

"Yes. Marty thinks it might offend me, so he takes it out every time I come to stay. It's really kind of funny. He doesn't know any specifics, so he's really just going off of standard movie crap, and he doesn't ask any questions otherwise."

"Why'd you get involved at all?" she asked. Rescuing strangers didn't seem to be his cup of tea _now, _much less in the years before she'd met him.

Damon looked around the bar, his eyes settling on an old fashioned tin sign that read 'Beware of pickpockets and loose women.' He smiled a little, then looked back to her. "Truth? I _like _it here. The people are friendly, the drinks are good, and I can crash upstairs if I actually manage to get drunk. And Marty keeps people coming back. So I saved him."

Elena was confused. "But...he's a bartender. If he died, they'd get a new one. Don't get me wrong; I like the guy, but...I'm not following."

"Go order a drink." Off her look, he added, "Don't worry, you won't get carded. Just go up to the bar and ask Marty for a drink. You'll see what I mean."

She shrugged and went up to the bar. Marty looked at her and his eyes widened in panic. He cast his glance to Damon, who gave him a nod of approval, then the bartender smiled at Elena. "You know, I never did catch your name, gorgeous."

She blushed. "It's Elena."

"Amd I'm sure you've gathered that I'm Marty." He put his hand out to shake hers, and when she gave him her hand, he brought it to his lips and kissed it. "Wonderful to meet you, darling."

Elena was stunned. Marty was laying the flirting on thick, but somehow, it wasn't as sleazy as other men might have made it. If she wasn't with Damon, she imagined she might be drooling on the bar, just like the woman she'd seen Marty talking to before. "Wow. You're good."

"Yes, I am," he agreed. "Now, how about I send that strawberry daquiri and Damon's scotch over to your table in a few minutes? Both of you drink on the house, of course."

"Sounds great," Elena replied before going back to their table. She plopped down in her seat. If she wasn't so sure Marty was fully human, she'd think she'd been compelled. She'd never met anyone so charming. Well, Damon could be, but he wasn't human. "Um...did you teach him that?"

Damon shook his head. "The man's got a natural talent. Now, you see how he might bring in the business?" He indicated the woman at the bar that Elena had noticed. "She was here last time I was, and I found out that she's actually from over an hour away. From a city, which I imagine is full of bars. But she comes out every Wednesday night, just so she can check him out some more."

Pamela returned with their drinks. "You two ready to order?"

Both Damon and Elena ordered burgers and fries, though Elena promised herself she would try many other things on the large menu, since they would be there for a few days. Now that she thought about it, they hadn't actually discussed when they would return to Mystic Falls. They could stay for her entire winter break if they wanted to. It was tempting. Irresponsible, but tempting.

She settled into her seat and really took in what she was seeing. She was surrounded by people who seemed to honestly like Damon. She sometimes thought she was the only one. He wasn't really friends with any of these people, but they were still evidence of that fact that Damon _could _ do something to benefit others. He could say he had selfish reasons, but she knew he would have found another place he liked if he had to. He didn't have to save Marty, but he had.

Elena could almost feel it when the dam inside her broke, and she knew beyond a doubt that she was in love with Damon. She expected it to scare her, but instead, she found comfort in it. Because, along with the knowledge that she loved him, she'd finally figured out what was stopping her from choosing him.

Damon alone had the power to make her final doubts disappear. But Elena wondered, would he?

**So, did that, as Damon put it, "take the edge off" your ravenous craving for smut? Or just whet your appetite for more? Either way, I shouldn't have so much trouble writing it next time. Practice makes perfect, right? Anyway, we finally have answers coming as to what's stopping Elena. A few of you have already guessed, of course. More to come soon!**


	15. I'm Awake In You And You're Asleep In Me

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note**: I know it's been forever, for which you have my sincerest apologies. My life kind of went to shit in a real hurry (super-speedy version: one of my roommates, who was also one of my best friends, very suddenly went absolutely freaking INSANE on me - as in, our years of friendship ended over a period of about thirty seconds - to the point of throwing violent temper tantrums, breaking his door and throwing glass candles onto the floor and screaming bloody murder at me for an offhand comment that was not in any way meant to offend, and basically scared me out of my home. So now I'm back with my parents, which is the opposite of inspirational.) And I'll admit right off that this isn't the very best chapter to come back to, since it's kinda filler, but I promise that answers and good things happen in the next chapter, which shouldn't take too long, since I've had it written in my head since the beginning. Also, special shout-out/dedication to **Crimson-Kiss17** (hope you don't mind the special mention...), whose PM was the final kick in the butt I needed to get this finished, and whose message I tried to reply to but the site wouldn't let me.

Anyway, on with the chapter...

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Fifteen: I'm Awake In You And You're Asleep In Me

It was past midnight by the time Damon and Elena were able to escape from the bar. All of the regulars seemed to want a few minutes of their time, and by the end of the evening, Elena was sure she had been introduced to most of the population of the town. She couldn't get used to how friendly they all were, especially the guy in his late fifties who had insisted on buying them dessert. But she had a great time. She'd expected a few of the women to challenge her claim on Damon, but none of them did. They kept the flirtation light, and the large amount of bikers there also kept their hands off her. All in all, Elena had to admit that her initial judgment of the bar couldn't have been further from the truth.

They were exhausted when they got back up to their room. Elena had been up for twenty hours, and even Damon, who needed considerably less sleep than she did, was more than ready to get some rest. He hadn't slept much since he'd learned of her nightmares. The most he allowed himself was to lightly drift so he could wake her up in case she started showing signs of having a nightmare. But he couldn't do that indefinitely, and tonight, he would have to sleep.

He took his shirt off and changed into black flannel pants. He normally slept naked, and when he started sleeping with Elena, he'd originally bought some black silk pants. But then Elena had pointed out that silk tended to be cold, and it was winter, so, for her benefit, he'd sought out flannel instead. It had been quite the task to find plain black flannel pants, since he'd rather go up against Klaus alone than be seen in plaid, but he knew it was worth the extra effort when Elena intertwined her legs with his at night for the extra warmth. Or any other reason.

Damon wanted to just collapse on the bed, but that would make Elena's snuggling with him difficult, as she would want to be under the covers. The cold didn't bother him, but neither did the toasty warmth under the thick comforter. So he peeled back the blankets from the carefully made bed and slid under them. Elena got in the others side of the bed and quickly wrapped herself around him, throwing an arm over his torso and wriggling one of her legs between his. He obligingly curled his arm around her back so she could fit her head where she liked to rest it, near his shoulder.

His eyes were drooping, but he still muttered, "You okay? You seemed a little distracted for a while tonight."

_Crap._ He'd noticed how busy her mind had been. How busy it still was, if she was honest with herself. "I'm fantastic," she told him, and it was true. "Get some sleep."

"Right," he muttered before closing his eyes. He was asleep in seconds.

Elena wasn't so lucky. She was dead tired, but her mind was far too occupied to sleep. It kept throwing the most ridiculous things at her, most often an experience from middle school that she'd never quite been able to forget.

Bonnie had had a gigantic crush on their friend, Dave. She'd even thought, being twelve years old and still very shy and awkward, that she was in love with him. He'd been sweet, not much to look at, but smart and funny. Elena had enjoyed his company, though she'd never seen what Bonnie had.

But the second Bonnie had told him of her feelings, everything had changed, and not for the better. Dave hadn't let her down nicely. He'd treated her with derision and pushed her away, severing their friendship completely. For over a month afterward, Bonnie had been the subject of rumors about how she'd desperately thrown herself at Dave, and she heard scornful giggles wherever she went.

Elena had never understood why Dave would do that. She didn't blame him for not returning Bonnie's feelings, though anyone who didn't love Bonnie confused her a little. But why did he push her away so fiercely? What kind of person took someone loving him as a bad thing?

It wasn't the last time she'd seen that situation, though thankfully, it never happened to Bonnie again. But repetition hadn't made her understand any better.

Now, she was worried that she was starting to get it. Telling a guy that you loved him was like pointing out your own weak spot and giving him all the tools he needed to destroy you. In Bonnie's case, what she'd done was tantamount to handing a twelve year old a loaded gun, painting a target on herself, and hoping he wouldn't use it.

But a twelve year old would use it every time. He didn't know any better yet.

Damon was far older than twelve, but he'd already done so much to hurt her. He could do more damage to her than anyone else she'd ever known, even if she didn't give him the ultimate weapon.

But how could she not, when he clearly needed it so very badly? And Elena had her own needs as well. She felt the urge to tell him burning low in her stomach. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops. It felt so right, but she was just as scared as she was happy about it.

Elena's phone vibrated on the nightstand, and she snatched it up before it could wake Damon. The caller ID told her it was Bonnie, so she slipped out of bed and into the living room, closing the doors to the bedroom behind her before she answered. "Hello?"

"Please don't hang up on me!" Stefan said quickly.

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Stefan? What are you doing with Bonnie's phone?"

"I didn't think you'd answer if I used my phone, so I borrowed hers."

"With or without her permission?" After her talk with Bonnie, she doubted her friend would give Stefan any way to contact her.

"I'm sorry!" Stefan pleaded. "Damon was right about everything, okay? I should never...there's no excuse for how I acted."

"It's not me you should be apologizing to," she told him, noticing that he hadn't answered her question about Bonnie. She guessed that meant the phone had been 'borrowed' without her knowledge. "After all, I'm not the one you tried to lock in a cage with your psycho ex for all eternity." She realized the volume of her voice was rising along with her anger. In an effort to let Damon sleep, she took a deep, calming breath before she added, "Anyway, this is a fast turnaround for you. What happened?"

There was a long silence on the other end, so long that she almost thought he'd hung up. Finally, he replied in an odd tone of voice, "An old friend showed up and talked some sense into me. Also, the human blood passed out of my system. If I was going to reintroduce human blood into my system, I shouldn't have started with yours. It should have been blood bags only until I was sure I could handle it. It made me...erratic."

"Yeah, that's one word for it," Elena muttered. "Who's the old friend?"

More silence, then, "Elena, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. You have to see for yourself. That's why you need to come back from wherever you are. It's not safe, running off with Damon to god-knows-where. You do remember that there are people looking for you?"

That set off her ire. Stefan wasn't in a position anymore to be ordering her about. "Then it stands to reason that the safest place in the world for me is where no one knows who I am, and the only person who knows where I am, I trust completely. Really, I don't think I've felt safer since this whole debacle started."

She could almost hear Stefan grinding his teeth. "Can you at least tell me where you are so that we can keep an ear out in case something suspicious happens in that area?"

"No," Elena said bluntly. But she decided to give him a break. "We're not staying forever. We don't want to stay so long that Jenna will go prematurely gray from worrying. We just...need a few days. Away from people trying to kill me and _erratic _brothers trying to imprison Damon."

"Fine. And when you get back...we can talk?" Stefan asked, the hopeful tone in his voice more than clear.

"Not like that, we can't." She softened her tone, lowered her volume even more so it wouldn't wake Damon if he was still asleep, and tried to let go of all the anger she was holding on to. She didn't like how it was affecting her, and she couldn't let herself be a bitch to Stefan while she said what she had to say. That would be too cruel. "Look, Stefan, I'd hate it more than anything if I couldn't be friends with you after all this. I'd understand though. But...friends is all we're ever going to be."

Stefan let out a long breath, and Elena could feel more than ever all the miles separating them, in every sense. He tried to keep all emotion out of his voice when he asked, "It's Damon, then?"

"Maybe," Elena admitted. "Maybe not. But either way..." She took a deep breath to steady herself and suddenly realized her eyes were swimming with tears. She'd thought this would be easier. "Either way, it's not you. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. For everything.. Maybe...maybe it's good that you're taking a couple days. It'll give me time to deal with it, and when you get back...we'll get back to saving your life and we'll see if we can be friends. Okay?"

She closed her eyes, and a tear made its way down her face. She was so angry at him, but that feeling was slipping away as she realized how much it must have cost him to say that. "Okay. I'll see you when we come back. And make sure you give Bonnie's phone back."

"Good night, Elena."

"Bye, Stefan."

She hung up her phone and dropped her head into her hands. She'd made the right call; she didn't doubt that in the slightest. But it still hurt.

Elena shivered a little. The room was chilly, and she wanted to be back under the covers with Damon. But there was something she had to do first. She opened the door back into the bedroom slowly and peeked in to see if she'd already woken Damon, if he'd heard her whole conversation with his brother. From all appearances, he was still out. She tiptoed over to her bag and fished out her diary, then crept back out to the living room, once again shutting the door behind her.

At the beginning of her relationship with Stefan, she'd had a lot of problems with indecision. Changing her mind every week depending on her mood and whatever new and creepy vampire thing she learned. Now, she'd learned to document her feelings on her major life events as soon as she could. Even though she was _sure _she wouldn't be changing her mind, she still wanted to write it all out so she could remember with perfect clarity exactly why she'd chosen not to be with Stefan anymore.

When she was done with the entry, she stared at the next page in her diary, still blank. She bit her lip, then put pen to paper again and wrote, _I love Damon._ She needed to tell _someone,_ and Damon was asleep and she couldn't tell him yet anyway, and texting Bonnie's phone would probably be a very bad idea at the moment. What if Stefan read it? She'd done more than enough damage to him for one night.

Writing it down hadn't made the excited-scared-happy feeling in her stomach go away, but then again, she hadn't really expected it to. Studying the way the words looked on the page wasn't doing anything for her either, so she closed the diary and went back into the bedroom. She was careful to replace the book in her bag. She knew Damon would never go digging for her diary, but she wasn't stupid enough to leave it right out in the open for him either. She couldn't expect him to avoid _that _much temptation.

Finally, Elena crawled back under the covers and back into Damon's arms. He woke up a little when her feet touched his. "You're cold," he murmured. "Something wrong?"

"No," she whispered. "Sorry I woke you."

:"S'okay," he replied, slurring his words in that half-asleep way that Elena found so adorable. He pulled her even closer. "C'mere." He rubbed her feet with his for a few seconds to warm them, then his thumb started to draw a soothing pattern over the small of her back, even while he started to drift off to sleep again.

Finally, Elena closed her eyes and allowed herself to sleep too. For the first time in weeks, she had good dreams.

**So, thoughts? Any guesses on who finally beat some sense into Stefan? All I'll say about that particular person's identity is that we definitely _have _met him or her in the show. I'd love to hear what everybody thinks. And I'm working on the new chapter immediately, I promise!**


	16. The Darker The Secret, The Harder You'll

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note: **I...suck. I know. I went back to school (for court reporting) and it keeps me busy pretty much from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep. I was trying to get the smut written, but since I'm trying to write it between classes, I live in terror that someone from my class is going to look over my shoulder and start asking questions. So I separated this chapter out. I'm still working on the smutty bits, which I swear will be in the next chapter. So I'm updating from school, and I'm hoping I'll be getting out another chapter soon...but I don't want to promise that, since I seem to fail at that the most when I promise to do it quickly. So yeah. I suck. I'll do my best, though.

**Author's Note Part Two:** I just saw that it has been exactly one year since I started this story. Wow.

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Sixteen: The Darker The Secret, The Harder You'll Keep It

Elena came awake to an empty bed and the sound of a microwave beeping. She stretched, enjoying the big bed, before she went to brush her teeth. Then she padded out to the living area just in time to catch Damon dropping an empty blood bag into his cooler.

She wrinkled her nose. "Ew."

He raised an eyebrow at her before putting the cooler in the fridge again. "All this time, and _now _you're voicing an issue with the fact that vampires drink blood?"

She snorted. "No. Why'd you put an empty bag in with the full ones?"

"Oh." He smiled, relieved that he wasn't going to have to give her the vampire version of The Talk. Again. "I don't normally. But in places where other people empty my very small trash cans, they sometimes tend to notice empty bags of human blood. And that sort of thing makes a lot of people just the _teensiest _bit nervous. So you learn a few tricks to keep the public calm. Or you relive the ending of _Frankenstein."_ He shrugged.

"The part with the villagers with pitchforks and fire?" She wasn't sure if he meant the book or the newer movie, but the old Boris Karloff one was the one she remembered best.

"Yeah, that's the one. Coffee?" He glanced at the coffee machine behind him, but Elena shook her head.

_Please don't let him take this the wrong way, _she thought. She'd agonized over exactly how to ask him, and a direct approach was the only way that made sense to her. Still, she didn't want him to freak out over nothing, so she purposely avoided the phrase, 'We need to talk.' Instead she said, "Damon, can we just...can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

Damon sensed that it was a topic she was very serious about, but he couldn't help but smile again. They were on vacation, away from everyone she knew. Who else was she going to have a serious conversation with? And what better time to hammer out the complications in their relationship than now? And yet she acted like she was handling a bomb by asking for his undivided attention. "Of course."

He gestured to the living room area, and Elena sat in the same chair she'd occupied to write in her diary the night before. She tucked her legs under her and started picking at her fingernails nervously while Damon took the seat facing her. "What's on your mind?"

"I really, really need my memory back, Damon." Elena braced herself for rejection, but Damon merely looked curious.

"Why more today than yesterday?" he asked. "You didn't have any nightmares. You would have woken me up if you did. I thought it might be the change of scenery that cleared your head. But does that have anything to do with why?"

"I think it does. I think my nightmares are all about us, actually. Whenever I take a big step towards choosing you, I get a night of peace. My subconscious has been pushing me towards you for a while now, I think, but the nightmares only started after you took whatever it was you took. Now, my brain's terrified of losing you, and it's telling me to commit to you so you'll stay. And I _want _to. I want to be with you so badly, but I _need _to be one hundred percent sure, so that I don't just end up doing more damage to us both."

"So what's holding you back?" he asked, even though he was almost positive he already knew the answer.

"I can't be a hundred percent sure if I'm not a hundred percent _here," _Elena replied. "Even if what you took is just a tiny memory, my memories make me who I am. It's a part of me, and I can't be sure without it." When he didn't immediately respond, she added, "At this very moment, if I could just squash this last little doubt, you'd be my choice. For..." She couldn't say forever. Not so close to the beginning of their relationship, and not before she had a _lot _of time to think over the vampire issue. "For the foreseeable future, you're my choice. But I can't _make _the choice until I'm all here."

"I'm just..." _terrified. _ Damon cut himself off before he could finish that thought, instead choosing another way of saying it that was just as true. He hated himself for what he was about to say. He knew how it sounded, but if she could be honest with him, the least he could do was return the favor. "I just can't stop thinking that, as soon as you know, you'll run screaming back to Stefan."

Not because he'd confessed his love. He was really trying to wrap his mind around the idea that Elena might actually want him, could someday even love him. So that part of the memory wasn't what he was afraid of returning. Not anymore. But he'd given her up, surrendered her to his brother, the better man.

It was unforgivable. And he knew that once she realized that even _Damon _believed she should be with Stefan, she'd probably come around to that way of thinking too. Especially since Damon had given up on her.

"I'm not going back to Stefan," Elena told him, her voice certain. "He called last night while you were sleeping, and I told him that we'll only ever be friends. Don't you get it, Damon? It's not a choice between you and Stefan anymore. It's a choice between you and...I don't know, taking a step back and seriously re-examining my life." As an afterthought, she added, "He's sorry, by the way. And no more human blood for him for a while."

Damon studied her face for a long moment, his eyes wandering over every feature. She wasn't sure if he was searching for something or if he was just trying to memorize her face. But either way, he eventually said, "Take your necklace off. I'll undo it."

Elena quickly reached up and unclasped the necklace, dropping it on the table next to her. Her unquestioning trust was enough to convince him that he was doing the right thing. She deserved to know, and he never should have taken the memory in the first place. He knew that now.

He moved closer to her and tilted her chin up so he could catch her eyes with his. "Your memories are your own, Elena." He watched her pupils dilate and knew that it had worked.

Elena gasped as the hole in her memory was filled in. She closed her eyes and saw it again with perfect clarity. She relived the whole thing in an instant, from her amazement at his words to the feel of his lips on her forehead, and she knew that, if he'd just given her a moment to say something, to get over the shock, she would have fought to stop him from compelling it away.

Understanding rushed through her. She knew why he'd flipped his emotions off. It was easier on him, if he was giving her up to Stefan. It'd make it easier to watch them together. But every second his emotions were gone, the person she so desperately wanted to keep in her life was fading. And that explained her dreams as well. Her mind had taken losing the Damon she knew as watching him die. And if she wasn't with him, or wasn't sure about it, there was no guarantee he'd stay, either physically or emotionally.

Elena threw her arms around Damon's neck as she fought back her tears. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around her waist. "You're...not mad?" he asked, very unsure.

"For telling me you loved me?" She pulled away from him to stare into his eyes. "Damon, I would _never _punish anyone for loving me."

"No...for letting you go. I gave up on you." In his past experience with women, that was among the worst possible sins. But the only other woman he'd ever loved was Katherine, so he could see how his judgment might be...skewed.

"I don't blame you for that. I gave you every reason to let me go. I just hope that, now, I'm giving you every reason _not _to let go. And if you ever do _that _again..._then _I'll be mad."

"Elena..." he started.

"I gave you no reason to hope, Damon," she said, cutting off any argument he was about to voice. "What do you want me to do? Blame you for listening to me? That's crazy. But just to make it clear, you now have a _ton _of reasons to hope, so you don't get to do this again."

Damon didn't say what he was thinking; it would only insult her. Yes, it was crazy. But it was also _Katherine._ It wasn't that he expected Elena and Katherine to act the same way because they had the same face. That was one fault that only belonged to Stefan. But Katherine was the only other person he'd ever loved, his only other point of personal reference for how relationships worked. He was bound to make the wrong assumptions occasionally. He'd have to try not to allow those assumptions to affect his judgment too much.

Then it started to sink in: he'd told her, and she wasn't screaming, running, or attempting to kill him. It hadn't destroyed their relationship or even damaged her trust in him. He felt the tension drain out of his shoulders as he smiled at her. "Anyway, about that breakfast?" He turned to walk to the door, expecting her to follow.

Elena bit her lip. She finally knew what had been taken from her, and now there was nothing holding her back. Her choice was made, and there would never be a better time to say it. His hand was on the doorknob before she spoke.

"Oh, by the way, Damon? I love you too."

Damon moved almost too fast for her to see, and he was instantly in front of her, his eyes bright and intense. "You-" he started, and his voice was low, rough, and Elena almost collapsed from the lust that was dripping from it. With that voice and the look in his eyes, it was amazing to her that he'd ever needed to use his compulsion. She was sure anyone with a pulse would be staggered by him without any of his other tricks. He tried again, managing to say, "You...are going downstairs to eat breakfast like a good little human should, and then we are coming back up here, and I fully intend to ravish you." His lips, which Elena suddenly could not take her eyes off of, lifted in a smirk. "Sound good?"

"Uh...yeah," she choked out.

He took her hand and they went downstairs.


	17. Scream My Name Just One More Time

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note: **So yes, this took forever to write because, once again, writing smut scares the crap out of me. But it all managed to pour out fairly easily after I saw 3x14, so this smut was basically fueled by rage, caffeine, and those practically pornographic pictures in Entertainment Weekly. Anyway, I'm already working on the next chapter, but for now, enjoy the most smut I've ever written at once!

**Special Thanks: **To my betas, who also happen to be my besties: Alex, Kelly, and Jorden.

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Seventeen: Scream My Name Just One More Time

Elena had never in her life been so baffled with breakfast. She simply could not focus enough on the menu to figure out what she wanted. There were too many other things pulling at her attention. The first issue was the waitress. It was a different one than the night before – Tammy, according to her name tag. And her flirting with Damon was not in the slightest way playful. She was absolutely serious about it, and Elena could feel dislike for the stranger rising inside her with every word out of her mouth.

It wasn't that she thought Damon was tempted. She trusted him not to stray. It was that it was just plain rude. They were sitting on the same side of a booth, not so subtly trading looks that were entirely inappropriate in public. It couldn't have been more clear that they were together. So _why _was this woman flirting with the obviously unavailable man? The only thing keeping Elena from speaking up about it was that Damon wasn't flirting back. He'd reined in that ridiculous charm that made it always seem like he was flirting, even when he wasn't, just so the pushy waitress wouldn't get any more of the wrong idea than she already had.

That was only one of the distractions she was dealing with, and not even the most pressing. Damon himself was presenting quite the problem as well. It seemed like every time she tried to read the menu, his hand would move on her thigh, and her thoughts would scatter in a hundred different directions, some of which involved food, but none of which she could order off the menu. For a guy who wanted her to eat so much that he'd delay his own gratification, he seemed determined to direct her thoughts elsewhere. And he was highly successful in his efforts.

After what had to be a dozen attempts at reading the menu, Elena finally said, "Okay, you've gotta stop, at least until I can decide what to eat." Her voice came out far breathier than she'd intended, and she saw Damon smirk for a moment.

His hand stilled, and he covered the smirk with a look of wide-eyed innocence. "Stop what, Elena?"

She tried to glare at him, but couldn't quite manage it. "You know what."

Tammy The Intrusive Waitress, as Elena had started to think of her, came back over, pad in hand. "You know what you want yet, or you need a few more minutes with those menus?"

Elena glanced down at her menu again, but she was still too distracted for the words to actually mean anything to her. She looked up. "Um...eggs?"

Tammy put pen to paper. "Over easy, poached, scrambled, omelet..."

"Scrambled," she decided. "With cheese. And an order of hashbrowns, and a side of fruit."

"Steak and eggs," Damon said, taking Elena's menu and putting it on top of his own so he could hand both of them to the waitress. "Rare steak, scrambled eggs. Side of bacon."

Tammy smiled widely at him. "Okay. I'll put that right in for you." She walked away, and Elena glared at her back.

Damon took in the expression on Elena's face and smiled. "You know, it is just such a burden being so handsome. I just can't seem to keep these women off of me."

She shifted her glare to him. "Yeah, I'm sure that's _really _hard for you, being so damn pretty that every woman with a pulse starts to drool in your presence."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Pretty?"

"Oh, you're pretty and you know it.."

"I think I prefer..." he trailed off, searching his extensive vocabulary. "Dashing."

"_'Dashing?'"_ she asked. Raising her eyebrows. "Like a pirate?"

"Hm..." he said, considering. He pushed a lock of her hair back from her face. "More like James Bond."

She rolled her eyes. "You're 168 years old," she said, dropping her volume when she mentioned his age. "I think it's long past time you came to terms with your own prettiness."

He looked like he was about to argue further, but then smirked instead. "You like it," he accused her playfully. "And I've got no complaints."

Elena couldn't argue with that. She smiled, enjoying their banter. Things were so easy with Damon, especially out here, in the middle of nowhere, away from all the murderous vampires – with the obvious exception of Damon himself – and the judgmental friends. She scolded herself for a moment. Her friends were trying to accept her choices; she knew that, and she also knew she would need to give them a little time. Even Stefan was making an effort. But it still always felt like she wasn't living up to their expectations. It was easier when it was just her and Damon.

She shook her head, dispelling the thoughts of anything beyond the happy bubble she and Damon currently resided in. All of their problems were miles away. The worst thing Elena had to worry about at the moment was Tammy, and she couldn't even be classified as a threat.

Their food came quickly, as the inn wasn't at all busy on weekday mornings. Elena tried not to rush her meal, but all of Damon's little touches, each of which served to ratchet up her arousal a little more, made her want to just ditch the food and go back up to their room. Immediately. But when she pushed her food away from her when she was only halfway through, Damon stopped her.

"Trust me, you're gonna need that energy," he told her, pushing the food back to her.

"Then let me eat if it's so essential. How is driving me crazy in any way productive?"

He smirked. "Keeps me amused."

"I'll keep you amused," she muttered, shoving a piece of watermelon into her mouth. She hadn't _meant _for him to take it the way he did, but then, she should hardly have been surprised.

"Oh, I have _absolute_ faith that you'll do far more than keep me merely amused." A drop of juice from the watermelon had caught on her lower lip, and he just couldn't help himself. "You have a little...here, let me get it." He pulled her closer to him and sucked on her bottom lip. However, once the taste of watermelon was gone, he pulled away, leaving her wanting.

"That's it," she said, finishing off her fruit cup and putting it back down on her plate with more force than entirely necessary. "Pay the lady. Let's get out of here."

Damon waved the waitress over and asked her to bill the meal to their room. He helped Elena out of the booth and only barely managed to not pick her up and blur them up to the room. Driving her crazy was all well and good, but he wasn't unaffected either.

He had to help Elena get the key in the lock, as she kept fumbling and missing. He put his hand on hers to guide the key, and the door finally opened.

As soon as the door closed, Elena's back slammed into it as Damon kissed her. Her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him close to her. She opened her mouth to him, and he immediately took the advantage to press the kiss further. His tongue slipped into her mouth, and he was satisfied to spend a few minutes just kissing her.

Elena, however, was not. Her hand strayed to his belt buckle soon after the kiss began, but she couldn't get it undone when he was pressed so tightly against her. He felt her hands scrambling for the buckle and blurred them to the bed, kicking off his shoes once he was there. She followed suit, then reached for the buckle again. Thoughts that they might be moving too fast started to intrude, but she pushed them away. She wanted him. She had for longer than she'd been willing to admit. She wasn't about to deny herself for a second longer than necessary.

After some fiddling, the buckle came undone in her hands, and she pulled his belt out of the loops and dropped it on the floor. This time, she managed the button on his jeans with expert efficiency. Damon stilled her hands and then he pulled her shirt up over her head. He made quick work of the front clasp of her bra. She shrugged it off and he flung it across the room. "You won't be needing that anytime soon."

"Good to know," she breathed. He went for the zipper on her jeans, but she stopped him, picking at the buttons on his shirt instead. "Hey, fair's fair. Off with the top."

"If the lady insists," he replied, disposing of his shirt and then, just for good measure, his jeans, leaving him bare, since underwear wasn't usually his thing. "Now," he said, playing with her zipper again. "I believe you said something about fairness."

"Yeah...about that..." Elena trailed her hand down his chest to settle her hand on his straining cock, effectively taking control of the moment. He let her maneuver him so his back was on the mattress. She moved down his body slowly, slower than Damon would have liked, but she eventually made her way to her goal.

She stopped then. It was the first good look she had gotten at his cock, and she took a few seconds to study it. Just as she'd imagined, it was perfect. She didn't have a whole lot of basis for comparison, and she didn't want to think about what little she _did _have. But from what she could tell, Damon was beautiful from head to toe. Hardly a surprise. All _his _issues were on the inside.

She placed a hand on his hip, circling her thumb over a bit of surprisingly soft skin right above the bone. He let out a sound that was something between a sigh of content and a moan. She filed that bit of information away. Before Damon could take advantage of her hesitation, Elena went ahead with her original plan and took him in her mouth, whiting out all of his other thoughts. She focused on the head of his cock, edging her tongue right along the ridge. He groaned, and his hand went immediately to her hair. She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. The look of hunger and lust she saw on his face went straight to her core. She ground herself against the leg she was straddling, searching for some friction, even through the pants she was still wearing.

"Elena," he growled, but couldn't find the words to follow her name. She increased the pressure on him, and he felt what little control he had waver. If she kept going, they'd have to take a bit of a break before they even got to the good stuff.

He'd pulled her up his body and flipped her over before she even knew what was happening. She gasped, stunned by the sudden movement. He lowered his mouth to a rock hard nipple, murmuring, "Fair play is _so _overrated," before flicking his tongue out to lick it. He had absolutely no intention of stopping before she was beyond satisfied, fair play or no.

Elena's back arched instinctively, desperate to get her breasts closer to his mouth. He obliged her, sucking hard on the nipple he'd been lavishing attention on. He circled her other nipple with his finger. He didn't want it to feel neglected.

It didn't take long before Elena was squirming. Damon's presence alone turned her on, and his focusing his full attention on her made her feel like she was going to explode in the best possible way.

He made his way down her body, pressing a kiss to her belly button before unzipping her pants and removing them, along with her panties. He pulled her legs up over his shoulders and concentrated on her center.

"Damon," Elena murmured, trying to close her legs. "You don't have to..."

"Oh, but I can think of nothing I want to do more," Damon replied. He sucked hard on her inner thigh and her hips jerked up.

"But..."

"You've never had this done to you before?" he surmised. That would be the only explanation for why she was objecting so much. "Relax, Elena."

His first lick to her clit had the exact opposite effect of what he'd requested. She tensed every muscle and let out a long moan. She felt him smile against her before running his tongue up her slit. Her hands scrambled for something to hold on to, finally digging into the sheets and twisting them through her fingers.

He continued to lap at her, taking a little bit more of her sanity with every swipe of his tongue. He took her right up to the edge of ecstasy and then stopped to gaze at her from between her legs. "I love you like this," he said, conversationally, as if he wasn't in such a provocative position and withholding her release.

Elena wiggled her hips, hoping to draw his attention back to what he'd been doing. "Damon..." she whined.

He smirked. "Yes, Elena?"

"Please...I need to...to..." She moved her hips some more, and Damon's smirk grew, but he wouldn't give in so easily.

"Use your words, Elena," he said.

He touched her oversensitized clit lightly, just a fingertip brushing over her, causing all words to flee her mind for a moment, leaving a dizzying blankness in her brain, until they all flooded back. Then she couldn't get them out fast enough. "Damon, I need to come!" she almost yelled.

"You only had to ask," he said playfully, right before he sucked her clit in between his perfect lips. He let his teeth graze her just the tiniest bit.

And then Elena's brain was pitched into a whole new dimension of pleasure. The entire universe narrowed down to just her, Damon, their bed, and the rapture he was evoking between her legs. Her orgasm hit her in waves, each one rolling over her in a tide of delicious sensation. Just as the tide started to ebb, Damon redoubled his efforts. He slipped his fingers into her and pressed against that place inside of her that made her see stars, all while keeping his tongue busy at her clit. She exploded again, yelling his name.

While Elena was still caught in the throes, Damon moved up her body. He knew the polite thing to do would be to ask her if she was sure before he entered her.

He'd never been known for his politeness.

Instead, he touched her cheek so she would open her eyes. She looked at him, half-crazed from the pleasure he'd inflicted on her. He met her eyes and, with one thrust, sheathed himself in her to the hilt.

Only a century and a half of practice kept him from coming undone the moment he entered her wet heat. He'd wanted her for so long...even his wildest fantasies had not compared to the reality. Elena wrapped her legs around him, locking her ankles behind him and using his body as leverage to pull herself closer to him.

He had to close his eyes and remind himself that he was not a sixteen-year-old human who would lose himself within the first ten seconds of being inside a woman. In fact, Damon made it a general rule that, for every orgasm he experienced, he would make sure his lover got three. That, in his mind, was how one could get the reputation of being a sex god.

So he'd be damned if he was going to let go before Elena got her third orgasm. He finally felt that he had enough control over himself to move, so he pulled out most of the way, only to feel Elena's strong legs urging him back into her. He happily returned to the inferno between her legs, then repeated the motion until her head was thrashing from side to side on the pillow, barely able to withstand the onslaught of bliss that was shooting out of her every nerve.

Elena's head stilled, baring her neck to him. "You...you can. If you want," she said, sounding almost shy before moaning again.

Blood rushed to fill the vessels around Damon's eyes, and his fangs grew without him giving them any conscious command to do so. She had no idea the value of the gift she was offering, and she couldn't comprehend how it would make her feel if he took her blood. With a great effort of will, Damon forced his inner beast back and kissed her exposed neck after his fangs receded. He sucked hard on her neck, sure he would leave a mark, and said, "Not this time, Elena." He bit down on her neck with his blunt, human teeth, and that was her undoing.

"Damon!" Elena screamed, as her pussy clamped down on him like a vice, immediately triggering the orgasm he'd been working to hold off from the second he entered her. She bucked so hard he might have been thrown off if he'd been human. As it was, he barely noticed, lost in his own pleasure as he was. She was unbelievably tight and milking every last bit of cum out of him. Klaus and all his minions could have stormed the room at that point, and it might have escaped his notice.

He collapsed next to her, and it took them long minutes to come back to themselves. Damon turned his head to the side to take in Elena's appearance. She was sweaty and dazed, and her hair was a hopeless mess. She looked thoroughly well-fucked, and he couldn't help the swell of pure masculine pride that bubbled up in him, though he knew he probably looked much the same.

Elena turned toward him, and a wicked grin lit up her face. "How about we try out that bathtub?"


	18. Savor Every Last Drop

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note: **Okay, so I've thought a lot about blood exchanges. And I've seen and read a lot of vampire fiction. So I'm sort of putting in my own personal opinion on blood exchanges, made up of my favorite parts of various vampire mythologies, into this chapter. Because it makes sense to me. So let me know if you hate it. Or love it. I really prefer to hear about you loving it, but if you find it massively offensive, I'd really like to know that too. Anyway, here's the chapter.

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Eighteen: Savor Every Last Drop

The giant bathtub was amazing. So were the rug in front of the fireplace and the counter on the small kitchenette.

It was three days before Elena allowed reality to intrude on their happy bubble. She'd been dodging Stefan's calls, which came in at 8:00 every night like clockwork. Instead of answering him and giving him more assurances that he could ignore anyway, she sent texts to Bonnie and Caroline occasionally, making sure to tell them that she was alive, safe, and happy. She also checked in with Jenna frequently, if only to make sure her aunt didn't send the state troopers after her.

But after three days, she knew they had to go back, and she told Damon as much.

He rolled his eyes. "Why? Bored with me already?"

She hit his shoulder playfully. "Of course not. Actually, I'm more afraid that if we stay much longer, I'll just decide never to go back."

Stretching out on the bed next to her, Damon replied, "And that would be a bad thing because...?"

She wanted to say that she still needed to graduate high school, but that was so far down her list of concerns that it barely registered. "It's irresponsible. I can't leave my friends to fight my battles for me. There's still people after me, you know. Klaus and all his minions."

He looked at her, his wide blue eyes showing concern. "You're safe here. No one can find you."

"I know." She smiled. "I know I'm safe with you. But Rose and Katherine both kind of gave me the impression that Klaus will kill everyone I care about if I just hide out. So we have to go back and think of a plan. You know, some remote way for us all to get out of this alive?"

"Plus," Damon added, "Stefan has that new secret bestie to talk him off the edge. I can't be the only one feeling curious as to who that might be."

Elena snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his chest. Her hand settled over his heart. "This trip did wonderful things for us. We know where we stand with each other, and my nightmares are gone. The vacation will have given my friends time to really get used to the idea, and I can think about Stefan without wanting to cry or slap him, however futile that might be. And, in case it wasn't super clear before, my choice is made."

"See, you say that, and I just want to ravish you again. Not exactly helpful for the 'pack our bags and head home' plan."

She moved her hand down to the button on his jeans. "Well...I'm not opposed to some more ravishing. But just once more. And then we really do need to go home."

* * *

Elena packed their bags while Damon paid Marty. She tried not to be too amused that the closest thing this inn had to a check-out counter was the bar. They also sold little souvenirs, and she wanted to buy some, but she stopped herself. If they needed to hide out at the inn again, she didn't want to leave any evidence of the place. As much as she would like reminders of her time there, she preferred to keep her haven secret, except from Damon, and safe.

She was pulling his cooler out of the fridge when he came back in. "You'll have to stop by the bar and say your goodbyes to Marty. Or he'll whine about it the next time we show up."

Elena looked from Damon down to the cooler in her hands and back, and she knew she had to know one more thing before she was surrounded by people again. "Damon, when we're...together...why don't you ever...you know...bite me? I mean, it'd be okay if you did, I think. You...you want to, don't you?"

Damon closed his eyes for a second, concentrating on fighting down the urges that just _talking _about the subject gave him. "Oh...I want to, Elena. _Trust me, _I want to."

"Then why don't you?" she asked, feeling a little more confident at his admission. She put the cooler down on the counter so that Damon could take it to the car on his next trip. "You think you'd take too much?" she guessed.

"No, I know I can control myself. It's just...so many things can change the way a blood exchange feels. Even the way the blood tastes is altered by outside factors. What a person ate, whether he's generally a good guy. Or girl, as the case may be. And we're in love. So, for me, you'd have pretty much the tastiest blood on the planet. Not to mention the...aphrodisiac effects."

Elena smiled. It was sort of an odd compliment, but she'd take it. "So my blood would ruin you for all other blood?"

Damon laughed. "No, that's not it either. That's what it would be like for me, Elena. For you, it would be...well, I don't think the word 'intense' quite covers it. People have been known to get addicted to being fed on. I just don't want to introduce the pleasures of being fed on to you until our sexual relationship isn't quite so...new."

Elena thought about the feeling of Stefan's teeth sinking into her hand and felt all of nothing. "I don't get it. Stefan's bitten me, and I hate to burst your bubble, but I really didn't get anything out of it."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it's really sweet and all that you assume that Stefan, who has been trying not to enjoy biting people for a century and a half, would know what he's doing, but he doesn't. Besides, he wasn't biting you for any sexual reason. It was all about him building up a tolerance so he doesn't go crazy on the people blood, right? I promise, if I bit you in the middle of sex, it would be _very _different. But I'm not in a rush for anything. So long as we're good, we can take our time with everything else."

Elena bit her bottom lip. She knew he was right, and she was totally in agreement with him...which made what she had to ask him next even harder. She took a deep breath and charged on. "We _are _good. We're _better _than good. We're fantastic. But...now that we're headed back to Mystic Falls..."

Damon's face fell, and Elena knew almost instantly that he'd misinterpreted where her ramble had been headed. "You...you want to hide? Or...be less open, about us?"

"No! No, not at all!" She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She wrapped him in a tight, reassuring hug and told him, "We are not a secret. Anyway, who would we be a secret from? I think just about everybody knows by now. And I am not ashamed of us. There is _no way_ that I'm going to be hiding anything. I'm still not advocating hour long make out sessions in front of Stefan, but that's only because...well, it's just mean. But that's not what I was going to ask."

He breathed a sigh of relief and felt the slightest twinges of guilt. He shouldn't have thought that was what she wanted. But he couldn't always help it. "Okay, in that case, what is it? Your wish is my command."

Elena pulled back from him and leaned against the counter. "We're safe here, Damon. In fact, we're as close to perfectly safe as we're ever likely to get. But now, we're going back into Mystic Falls, where, in case you hadn't noticed, I tend to have a near death experience about once a week. So I just wanted to talk about maybe...having an insurance policy."

Damon didn't get it right away. "Insurance...?" She watched his eyes and could see the second that her meaning hit him. "You want my blood." He shook his head. "You're not ready to turn yet. Even if you're sure you want to be a vampire someday, you and I both know you want a few more years."

"I know. That's why I'm calling it an insurance policy, not a solution. I may not be ready to be a vampire yet, but I'm a whole lot more ready for that than I am to be dead. If something manages to kill me, I'd much rather wake up a vampire than not wake up at all."

He sighed, but he saw the wisdom in her words. Damon didn't want to spend eternity with an Elena who wasn't ready for everything that meant. But that prospect was infinitely preferable to spending any more of his eternity alone. "There are things you need to know about, if blood exchanges are going to become part of our relationship."

_Well, _Elena thought, _that's new._ Stefan wasn't really one to share anything about his vampire nature if he could avoid it. In fact, she had frequently found herself in situations that could have been avoided if he'd just been open with her. She really appreciated that Damon was willing to warn her what she was getting into. "Okay, what do I need to know?"

"Regular blood exchanges have side effects. If you're drinking my blood in case you die, and I'm drinking yours because, well, it's really damn enjoyable, and we do that frequently enough, there's a chance we'll become... linked." He grimaced. How could he explain this to her? Having never experienced a link himself, he didn't know quite what to say to describe it to her. So he just told her everything he was sure of. "I'll be able to sense where you are. Not an exact location, but at the very least a direction. If you're hurt, I'll know. Really strong emotions, like fear or rage, I'll know about those too. There's a lot less knowledge floating around about what it's like for the human in a case like that, but what little I _have_ heard tells me it goes both ways. Maybe it'll be a little weaker for you, but we'll still be linked. And that link will last at least a year after we stop exchanging blood regularly." He braced himself for rejection. It was one thing for her to be in a relationship with him. It was quite another to allow him into her head like that.

She worked her way past being stunned. How had she never known that things like that were possible? After a few moments of thinking about it, about all the implications, she said, "Well, that sounds...useful."

Damon's head snapped up and he stared into her eyes, his surprise written all over his face. "Useful?" he repeated.

"Well, yeah. Don't get me wrong. I know it's terrifying too. And that's even if it happens. I mean, you said it's only a chance, right? But you being able to know where I am sounds like a good thing, not a bad thing. I mean, just think about what happened when Rose and Trevor kidnapped me. If we'd had this...link then, you would have known I was in trouble, and you probably could have had me rescued before Elijah ever even knew I existed." She took a deep breath, considering her words carefully before she spoke. "I'm ready for this. I'm ready...and I _want _to take your blood _before _we go back into that town, but only if you're ready for that to happen. And when you think we're ready for you to take mine too, just know that I'm willing to explore that."

He closed his eyes, leaning his head back while he thought about it. No matter how he turned it around in his head, he couldn't avoid the fact that she had a point. Finally, he nodded and grabbed a glass from the kitchenette. He sank his teeth into his wrist and let the blood fall into the glass. Elena wouldn't need a lot. Just a sip or two every couple days would keep it in her system without causing any other side effects, like the headache she'd gotten the first time he'd fed her his blood.

"Why the glass?" Elena asked. He'd had no problem with her drinking from his wrist before. She couldn't see why he'd have a problem with it now that she was actually doing it willingly.

Damon smirked at her as he took his wrist away from the glass. He handed it to her and then held a paper towel over his wrist as he waited for it to close. "Because if you drank from my wrist right now, we would not be leaving this hotel room for another three days, and I was getting the impression that you wanted to go home."

She smiled, knowing that he knew damn well what saying things like that did to her. She felt his words down in the pit of her stomach, and only her concern for her friends kept her from changing her mind about staying a while longer. She looked at the glass and moved it around, studying the way the dark liquid moved. "So...do I just take it like a shot, or what?"

"That's probably for the best. Or we could brew up a cup of coffee and you could pour it in there. Coffee pretty much kills the taste of anything else."

Elena watched the blood move in the glass for another few seconds, then looked back up at him. "How weird would it be if I said I think, in the future, I'd probably like it from your wrist better?"

Damon had to work hard to keep the smile off his face. He knew this was hard for her, so he resisted snarking at her too much. Barely. "I'll just take it as a compliment."

Finally, after looking into the glass one more time, she nodded, determined, and tossed it back, swallowing it almost before the taste could hit her tongue.

* * *

The drive back to Mystic Falls was uneventful, and to Elena, it seemed much shorter than their drive _away_ from the town had been. They decided to swing by the boarding house before Damon took her home. Elena wanted to get it over with, and they both had a burning curiosity about who had beaten sense into Stefan.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Damon asked as he pulled his car into his driveway. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to go back to your place first, unpack...avoid Stefan for another month or two..."

"Let's see...Stefan is only your brother. And your housemate. And he's just as involved in all this Klaus insanity as the rest of us. Yeah, I'm sure avoiding him forever will be really simple. Don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before, really." Elena looked over at Damon, and she easily spotted how tightly he was clutching the steering wheel and the tense set of his jaw. She knew he still couldn't believe he was her choice. He thought she'd run back to Stefan the second she saw him. All she could do was prove him wrong. Over and over again, if that's what it took, until he believed it.

"Okay." He nodded. "But if he punches me in the face, I reserve the right to say I told you so."

"Don't worry Damon. If he punches you in the face, I'll slap him, and I'm sure that'll make the punch worth it for you." She smiled a little bit.

He turned to look at her in shock. "Did you, Elena Gilbert, just make a joke about slapping my dear brother?"

"Only if he punches you, in which case, he's asking for it." She gestured to the house. "Come on. Let's go inside. Do you know if he's home?"

Damon tilted his head, listening. "Yeah, he's there. Someone else too. I can hear them moving around. Maybe the new secret bestie."

"Is that the code name we're using until we figure out who it is? You know, in like two minutes."

He shrugged. "I like it. It's fun to say. Rolls off the tongue."

Damon ignored his luggage, instead choosing to open Elena's door for her. He hooked an arm around her waist possessively as they walked toward the door and loved her even more for allowing him to do so. He could tell that she felt his insecurity. He would never be able to put into words how much it meant to him that she let him do things to demonstrate his place in her life in front of his brother.

He opened the door, and they walked in together. He followed his ears and led her to the library, where he then stopped short, looking at a person he never thought he'd see again. His eyes traveled from her glaring brown eyes to the tips of her impossibly long blond hair, and for once, he was speechless.

Lexi crossed her arms as she looked at him. "Hey, Damon. Killed anyone for no reason lately?"


	19. Trying To Feed My Bleeding Mind

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine.

**Author's Note:** This chapter...is long. And there's _a lot _of talking. It's all relevant things that need to be gone over for the future, but this chapter took so long to be posted because I kept thinking it literally needed 'a little less conversation, a little more action.' But sometimes, our heroes just need to sit down and have a serious discussion about the future. And the past.

**Author's Note Part Two: **Almost forgot to put this one in before posting...anyway, my original idea for this story involved Lexi coming back in the exact capacity that I have her doing so in this chapter. However, that original idea occurred to me right after 2x08, _Rose, _aired. The show has taken a distinctly different turn involving the Original family, making this story even more AU than it already was. Some of what is in the show will be the same as here, but some will be drastically different. This is what I get for taking so long to write.

I Want To Feel Through You

Chapter Nineteen: Trying To Feed My Bleeding Mind

Damon was, for once, speechless. Lexi was here. Standing right in front of him, solid and real and _alive. _He could hear her heart beating, pumping borrowed blood through her very _not dead _body.

"Lexi?" Elena asked hesitantly. She took a step forward, torn between wanting to hug her and being wary of the returned vampire. She'd _seen _Damon stake her. It had taken her _ages_ to forgive him. In retrospect, it had taken almost as long for her to forgive him for Lexi as it had for his attempt on Jeremy's life. But then, things had been very different between them by the time he'd hurt Jeremy. And Jeremy had survived the encounter.

Damon was torn too. Lexi was probably the only vampire he'd ever taken out that he felt any kind of guilt for. It wasn't only that she was Stefan's best friend. It's that she had saved his brother from himself. Saved him because Damon had asked her to, when he couldn't do the saving himself. Killing her was not something that had made him happy. _All that guilt, _he thought, _could it really have been for a vampire I didn't quite manage to kill? What's going on here? I _saw_ her wither away, just like every other dead vampire._

But Elena's motion forward ended his internal debate for the moment. He could work out his feelings on the matter later, but Elena's safety came first, and he would not be letting her approach an unknown factor like a back-from-the-dead vampire until they knew more. He pulled her back just as she made to step forward again, and she fell backwards into his arms. He caught her, steadied her, and placed her behind him.

"Not that I'm not always glad to see you, Lexi, but I _did _drive a stake through your heart, watched you die, and dumped your body. Would you care to explain to me how we're having this conversation?" His shock and his dilemma over whether he should feel guilty or not could wait. What he needed was to make sense of this and, above all else, to keep Elena safe. Even if it was from a possibly un-killable vampire.

"Feeling inadequate, Damon? Unable to get the job done right?" Lexi was still glaring at him, but she favored Elena with a little smile. "Don't worry, sweetie. You have nothing to fear from me. More than I can say for your boyfriend here, though."

"I was beaten with a bat, thrown into a wall, drenched with gasoline, and very nearly set ablaze by _your_ boyfriend because I killed you. Not to mention the stake Stefan drove into my stomach and the beating I took from _him. _I'd hate to think that was all for nothing." Elena was now actively trying to get around him to approach Lexi, but he turned to her and murmured, "Not until we know how she's here."

"Damon..." she started, about to argue, though she could hardly think of what to say.

Stefan cleared his throat, and for the first time, the other three seemed to remember he was in the room too. They all looked toward him, and he leaned forward in his chair, running a hand through his hair. From the look of it, that was something he'd done many times since the last time Elena had seen him. Instead of being perfectly gelled into a casual mess, his hair was sticking out in all directions, and she could see the stress in his face. "It seems that Lexi has been...not entirely truthful about...well, about a lot of things."

Lexi sighed, as if she'd had this conversation with Stefan several times over the past few days. "You've always known _who _I am, Stefan. The only things I was less than honest about were my age and where I came from. And how I became a vampire, of course."

Stefan looked like he was about to argue, but Damon interrupted whatever he was about to say. "Hey, how about we clarify for those of us that have no idea what you're talking about? That sounds like much more fun than having what looks like a very tired argument."

"Yeah, an explanation wouldn't be the worst thing ever," Elena said. She was still staring at Lexi over Damon's shoulder. "I'm happy to have you back, but I'd really like to know if we're going to be flooded with a ton of dead vampires, or if this is just a one-time thing, or..."

Lexi raised a hand, and Elena stopped talking. "All in due time, I promise." She looked back at Damon, and her eyes were cold, but at least she wasn't glaring anymore. "Stefan tells me you've met Elijah."

"Yeah," he replied impatiently. This didn't sound like the explanation he was looking for. "Met him. Exchanged a few words. Killed him."

Lexi's mouth twitched, and she crossed her arms over her chest again. "Yeah? How?"

Damon shrugged. "Drove a coat rack through his chest. Solid wood. Nice and thick."

She nodded. "Yeah, he's fine. Probably not too happy with you though. I'm surprised you haven't heard from him again yet. You should watch your back. Speaking from personal experience, a stake to the heart _hurts."_

"Actually, if you want to get technical, a stake to the heart usually _kills._ And you're still not being exactly forthcoming as to how that isn't the case with you and, apparently, Elijah."

"Elijah is an Original vampire. Part of the first family. They have all sorts of tricks that every vampire that came after doesn't have. And...he is my brother," Lexi admitted, uncrossing her arms and leaning against the back of the couch. It looked like the statement took a lot out of her, but she also looked lighter for it.

"Making Lexi also an Original," Stefan added quietly.

"Unneccesary to state the obvious, Stef. Why is it we never knew about this? We never even heard of the Originals until Elijah showed up wanting Elena. And now we find out that your not-so-dead bestie is one of them?" Damon felt a poke in his side and looked behind him. Elena was there, looking very unhappy about being hidden behind him. He considered for a moment, and finally moved to the side so that she could come further into the room.

Elena immediately went to one of the couches and sat down, hoping Damon and Lexi would follow her good example and keep this a somewhat civil conversation. Stefan was already sitting in one of the armchairs. Damon was sitting down next to her less than a second after she'd hit the cushion, but she could tell that he wasn't doing it because he actually wanted to sit. He just wanted to be as close to her as possible in case things got violent.

Lexi turned to face them, but didn't sit. She remained behind the couch, still wary that Damon was going to try to stake her again, just for good measure. Elena understood. "I think what Damon's trying to say is if you're so powerful, like we keep hearing the Originals are, why weren't you using those abilities enough for Stefan, your best friend, to notice? And why lie about being one?"

"Because Elijah is not my _only_ brother." She sighed again and walked around the couch, finally settling down on it. It wasn't like Damon could _actually _kill her. He'd never even get close if she didn't let her guard down, and she'd never let her guard down around him again. "Rose told you about Klaus. Also my brother. He's unstable, and he's dangerous."

"What's dangerous to a vampire that can't die?" Elena wondered out loud.

Lexi hesitated, biting her lip. "I'm going to tell you a secret that Klaus would kill me for sharing. It's not that we _can't _die. It's that there's only a few very specific ways that will work. Or we can be...taken out of commission. Which is what Klaus does. He started...incapacitating the rest of our family. And I ran before he could get to me. I went underground for a few years, then re-emerged with a new story, and I never told anyone who I really am. Not until Stefan, a couple days ago."

"Fantastic!" Damon said, almost cheerfully. "So how do we kill Originals?"

She laughed, but the sound was bitter and caustic. There wasn't a trace of mirth. "You _seriously_ think I'm going to tell you how to kill me? After you already tried and failed?"

"Of course not!" he exclaimed, all wide-eyed innocence that no one in the room bought. "I think you're going to tell me how to kill Elijah."

"You can't kill Elijah!" she yelled. Her voice was urgent, panicked. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "You...you don't understand. He's not bad. Stefan told me you didn't exactly have the best experience with him, but...Elijah, he..." Lexi didn't know what to say to explain how important her older brother was to her, but she had to try. She _had _to make them see that Elijah wasn't the bad guy. It was _Klaus _they needed to be worried about. "He taught me how to read. He was always the one to make me feel better when Klaus teased me." She sighed again. "He's the only one in my family I've truly missed since I left. He's...different from the rest. Like me. He...has a moral code. Kind of."

"Everyone has a moral code. _Damon _has a moral code. That doesn't mean it resembles anyone else's," Stefan argued, not even glancing away from Lexi to see whether he'd offended his brother with his comment. He hadn't. Damon was smirking. "According to Rose, he took off her friend Trevor's head without any hesitation."

"But he didn't hurt Elena," Lexi said stubbornly. She looked to the girl in question. "Did he?"

"No," Elena said after a moment of hesitation. "No, he compelled me, and he scared the crap out of me, but he didn't hurt me."

"He doesn't kill humans." Lexi jumped on this new topic frantically. She could not let Stefan and Damon fight Elijah. They would lose, and she would lose Stefan, or they would win, against all the odds – the way they sometimes did – and she would lose her big brother. And if they didn't put aside their differences and unite with Elijah, none of them had a prayer of taking down Klaus. "Not if he can avoid it. He feeds off them, but he compels them and lets them go." They still weren't convinced. She could see it all over their faces. So finally, she told them the hard truth. "I will never help you kill Elijah. And if you don't make peace with him, Klaus _will _find Elena, and she will die when he's done with her. Elijah's your only shot, so it's time to make nice with him and keep your fingers crossed that he doesn't kill Damon."

"Oh, good. I always like it when we're depending on hope to keep me alive. Hey, maybe we can find a rainbow and wish on it too!"

Elena put her hand over Damon's to calm him. "Let's think about this rationally, shall we? Does Elijah even want to work with us on this? If he does, he knows killing Damon would end all chances of that happening. And if he doesn't, why are we even talking about it?"

"I don't know," Lexi answered honestly. "I haven't talked to my brother since I left, 739 years ago. I faked my death to disappear, so the last I heard, he believed I was dead. I don't know if he figured out that I'm not yet."

"Last _I_ heard, he doesn't take betrayal too well," Damon said. "You think he might take a swipe at your head, like he did Trevor's?"

"No. Trevor was different," she said, and she couldn't have sounded more certain. "He took Katherine away from Elijah, and five hundred years later, that was something Elijah couldn't forgive."

"Wait," Elena interrupted. "I thought it was Klaus who wanted Katherine. Not Elijah."

"From what my sources tell me, it was both," she replied. "Klaus wanted her for whatever he wants Elena for now, but he also wanted her in his bed. And Elijah believed he was in love with her. Their animosity over Katherine is what finally destroyed their relationship. The last straw. Katherine has a talent for destroying brothers."

"Katherine," Elena murmured softly, looking between Damon and Stefan. "Or the doppelganger?" Everyone in the room looked at her, but she spoke again before they could answer. "What about Lee? He didn't know you're an Original?" She paused, horror dawning on her as she saw the look on Lexi's face. Lee had been the first one to voice what she'd already known, and the sentiment echoed in her head. _If you want to be with someone forever, you have to live forever. _"He doesn't know you're not dead yet, does he?" Her tone was accusatory, and she didn't care. She couldn't understand how Lexi could do that to someone who obviously loved her so much. Enough to give up on his revenge. She'd never be able to do anything like that to Damon.

"I can't bring him into this," Lexi whispered. "I wanted to tell him right away, but there are so many things I don't do in order to keep Klaus from figuring out that I'm alive. I don't have a daylight ring because, despite how things work in _your _little circle, they're not actually all that common among vampires. Vampires that walk in the sunlight attract attention. I don't compel other vampires if I can avoid it because that's noticeable too. If I went to Lee after Damon so kindly _staked me through the heart,_ people would know. Klaus has spies everywhere, and that brings danger to me and, worse, to Lee. So I can't tell him until we get this mess sorted out. I'm only...re-emerging now because Klaus _will _be coming to you, and if all of us unite with Elijah, that's the best chance we're _ever _likely to get to take him out. And I would like very much to get back to my life. That can only happen once Klaus is no longer a threat."

"That's what I don't understand," Stefan said, deciding to rejoin the conversation he'd been mostly happy to observe. "We know Elena is 'The Doppelganger,' and we know Klaus wants her for that. But _why? _And how does the moonstone fit into all of this?" He glared at Lexi, as if it were all her fault. "We only have a few pieces of the puzzle, and the more I look at them, the more I wonder if they're even all from the same puzzle."

"Oh, they're definitely from the same puzzle, Stefan. But I don't have answers for you. I was gone before Katherine came into their lives. And I have no idea how the moonstone ties in either. Elijah knows everything." She sighed and stood up from the couch. "And I think it's _long _past time I went to talk to him."

"Are you crazy?" Stefan was suddenly on his feet, yelling at Lexi. "What are you going to tell him?"

One look at Stefan's face confirmed for her that she'd made no progress in convincing him to give Elijah a chance. He would stick to his first impression until he was given one hell of a good reason to change his mind.

Lexi looked over to Damon and Elena. Elena looked thoughtful, but then, she seemed to always be a little too willing to forgive the absolutely unforgivable, so a little kidnapping and compulsion probably wouldn't make her hate Elijah forever. Not if he could potentially save her life and the lives of those she loved.

Damon was, as usual, unreadable. He wore a mask of indifference, but she knew that he had to be hiding a tumult of emotions while he worked through all that he'd learned since stepping through the front door. She could never be sure with Damon. Certainly, his staking her had come as quite the surprise. But if she had to guess, she would say that he would do whatever he had to in order to protect the girl sitting beside him, whether that was working with Elijah or staking him through the heart until it took. Which it never would, not the way he was doing it, but she didn't think he'd wrapped his head around that yet.

"Everything," she finally replied, turning her gaze back to Stefan. "You want honesty from Elijah, and he deserves the same, especially from me. So I'll tell him everything." She glanced at Damon one last time before she swept out of the room. "He won't be happy with you, Damon. Watch your back."


End file.
